Overheard at Work, vol. LXIV

Two weeks of gathering quotes this week, since work has been absolutely insane and we're all looking around trying to figure out why.

Currently, I'm hunkered down in my bed as we got a legit snow day because apparently the imposing Winter Storm Nemo is coming for us. I'm grateful for the little break, even though it means we might lose power and I have no food in my house...WISH ME LUCK!

While discussing a potential office-mate date, I suggested Poker Night:
Colleague A: Wait. Strip poker?
Colleagues B, C, and me: NO!!!!
Colleague B: She's all disappointed it won't be strip poker night. She was hoping for it.
Colleague A: No, then I'd have to shave my legs.

Me, to one kid: I want to squish your face.
Me, to another kid: I want to squish  your face too.
Kid: Who doesn't?

While serving teen snack, I apologized profusely to a teenaged boy for telling him snack was later than it really was. He joked that he'd bring in his Tek-9 next time, and I was having none of it, but he continued to explain details about the gun.
Finally, Colleague D said: How do you know so much about guns?
And I braced myself for the answer.
Teen, without thinking about it: Call of Duty.

Teenaged girl: How was your day?
Me: Oh. Just terrible.
Girl: Is it because you didn't Instagram anything?

Colleague E: What's blue and smells like green paint?
...
Colleague E: Blue paint.
Colleague C: That joke makes me feel dumb.

8 year old boy, nervous about auditioning for my program: I'm not good at this.
Me: You're young. I don't think you know what you're good at yet.
Boy: I'm good at soccer, slapping myself, ...

Colleague F, discussing the Facebook post of a teen: Swerve?? What's that mean?
Colleague G: Like. SWERVE, get out of the way.
F: I'm going to use that on my husband.

8 year old boy, during homework help: [singing] Millions of peaches! Peaches for me! Millions of peaches! Peaches for free!

Remember THAT song?