[clever title]

i have a question...

Saturday, September 10, 2016

It's Been a While


I just counted, and it's been 5 1/2 months since my last post.

I'm working on other writing: a set of vignettes that may end up being a book, a play I haven't touched in months, and bringing new life to some old writings here.

My blog turns 10 in January and it might take another four months for me to figure out how to commemorate that milestone.

In the meantime, I hope you'll be patient as I look for inspiration in new places.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Work work work work work

Today, it's been five weeks since I started the new job.

I still feel very much in transition.

It helps to be close to family, to be able to run home after a hard or long day, wash off the day, change into my PJ's, and go drink wine with the cousins or have a dance party with the boys or binge-watch Orphan Black. And The Fall. And The Walking Dead.

It helps that I don't share a bathroom or kitchen or living room with anyone, so if I need a moment of quiet after my day, I get it in my apartment.

It helps that my team already seems to appreciate me and has been vocal about it.

I work both weekend days and my days off are Thursday and Friday. Twice a week, I have a ten-hour day.

I'm doing my very best to stay fed and hydrated. To take my hour long breaks that are due to me every day.

I'm doing my best not to get overwhelmed with the new information, new personality dynamics, new schedule, new culture. To imbue the department with my signature dose of positivity, support, and humor.

I'm doing my best to remember that whatever I may be frustrated with now is most likely temporary, as we all continue to settle into a new rhythm and straighten out our staffing structure.

I'm doing my best to get a good night's sleep each work night. At least 8 hours, if I can manage it.

But I woke up early this morning and had a realization.

I miss writing.

Thursday, February 11, 2016

Overheard at Work: the Fantasy Edition

So I got a job.

After nearly 4 months of diligently looking and probably 50+ applications, the very first in-person interview I snagged is where I ended up getting hired.

I'll be a manager at a well-known museum in Los Angeles.

And my head is kind of spinning from the reality of the offer. I guess I really live in LA now.

My friend also pointed out this means my blog reports may be very different than they used to be.

For instance,

Colleague A: Do you have the gift baskets ready?
Me: No, 19 year old intern, you cannot be late again.
Colleague B: Um, that's really pushing the boundary of work-appropriate attire.
Colleague C: Mindy Kaling, this is Annie, our new manager.
Colleague D: I need the Van Gogh, NOW.
Me: Goddamn it, where's the free citrus vodka?
Me: Sir, you're going to have to leave. You are too drunk.
Me: Beyonce is on her way.

Stay tuned!

Sunday, January 10, 2016

[clever title] Turns 9

For the New Year, I bought myself Start Where You Are: a Journal of Self-Exploration.

It feels important, in this time of unemployment and hermitage, to be reflective about where I am. I like the idea of not judging my place in life, even though it’s hard for me. I like the idea of taking stock from this day forward, of challenging myself to consider my dreams and ambitions and thoughts of where I want my life to be now and where I want it to go next.

Today, my blog is 9.

I don’t write in it as much as I would like.

It’s changed forms a bunch of times since I started.

These days, I have Twitter and Facebook and Instagram to put down my quick “thoughts of the day” or observations about pop culture.

I’m not working right now, so I’m not collecting hilarious quotes from my team or the kids I worked with.

I don’t even write personal essays that often anymore.

But, I’ve been doing this blogging thing since I was a 23 year old college grad, living in Brooklyn.

Now I’m an unemployed 32 year old, living in Los Angeles.

That’s about as far away from where I started as I can get.

So here I start again, from right where I am.

Wednesday, January 6, 2016

Things About Living Alone

1. When the trash is full, it's full of my trash! So I don't even really mind emptying it.
2. Same with the shower drain catcher.
3. I am exceedingly organized. Everything has its place and everything goes back in its place after being used.
4. My bed is for sleeping. When I was living in Boston, my bed was my office, my dining room, my den, and my bed. Now, I make it every morning and it stays beautifully made like a piece of art until I crawl into it at the end of the day.
5. My dining room is my desk. Partly this is because I don't yet have a desk chair (they are EXPENSIVE) and partly it's because my computer is my TV.
6. Having two nightstands and a queen sized bed makes me feel like an adult.
7. Also a living room rug.
8. And brand new towels.
9. And an entry way table for my keys and grocery bags and laundry money.
10. And a full fruit basket on my dining room table.
11. I listen to music constantly, especially when in the bathroom.
12. Sometimes I inadvertently make myself cry by listening to Disney songs in the shower. But that's OK because I LIVE ALONE.
13. Every unexpected noise is an intruder. Even when it's just the bagels falling off my shelf.
14. When I have a nightmare or am scared in the middle of the night, there are no people around to make me feel safer. (To be clear, this has happened exactly twice in over three months.)
15. I spent legitimately over an hour deciding which soap dispenser to get for my bathroom. It was a serious design decision. (I went with yellow and gray chevrons.)
16. For some reason, my laundry piles up way more since I've been living alone. I did four loads of laundry yesterday. I don't think I've ever done four loads of laundry in my entire life.
17. Decorating for the holidays consisted of hanging icicle lights in my living room and placing a tiny table top tree on my coffee table. And that was perfect.
18. I never thought I would but I have a toilet-seat-cover-down apartment.
19. Also, no shoes in the house.
20. One person makes far less trash, dirt, and dirty dishes than I ever expected.
21. Sometimes a girl just needs an extra phone charger for the living room.
22. I get most of my work done lying on the chaise portion of my couch.
23. Drinking is fun, even when you live alone.

Thursday, December 31, 2015

Best of 2015

The LEGO Movie
Begin Again
The Theory of Everything
Show 'Em What You're Made Of
Magic Mike XXL
Straight Outta Compton
How to Dance in Ohio
The Martian
August: Osage County
The Good Dinosaur
Star Wars: The Force Awakens

The Longest Date: Life as a Wife by Cindy Chupack
All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven
The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins
Paper Towns by John Green
The Friend Who Got Away edited by Jenny Offill and Elissa Schappel
Fat Girl Walking by Brittany Gibbons
Sweet and Vicious by Richard Schickler
Sharp Objects by Gillian Flynn
Still Alice by Lisa Genova
With This Heart by R.S. Grey
Sick in the Head by Judd Apatow
Don't Fail Me Now by Una LaMarche
Sounds Like Me by Sara Bareilles
Dirty by Megan Hart

"Can't Stop Dancing" by Becky G
"Four Five Seconds" by Rihanna
Piece by Piece by Kelly Clarkson
"Shut Up and Dance" by Walk the Moon
"My Silver Lining" by First Aid Kit
In a World Like This by Backstreet Boys
"The Crying Game" by Nicki Minaj ft. Jessie Ware
"Keep on Lying" by Jessie Ware
Never Gone by Backstreet Boys
"What Do You Mean?" by Justin Bieber
"Sorry" by Justin Bieber
"Acapella" by Karmin
Hamilton Original Broadway Cast Recording
"Till It's Gone" by Yelawolf
"Stitches" by Shawn Mendes
"Ex's and Oh's" by Elle King
"Hello" by Adele
What's Inside by Sara Bareilles
"Love Yourself" by Justin Bieber

Dying While Black and Brown by Zaccho Dance Theatre
Hamilton on Broadway
Waitress at American Repertory Theater

Here's to a happy and healthy 2016!

Thank you, as always, for reading!

Thursday, December 10, 2015

March 29, 2007: "Consolation"

I ask how you are. Remembering that I loved you once. And maybe will again. (Or perhaps it’s that I still do. I can’t tell.)

You pause because there’s bad news. I’m never speechless, but this silences me. A silence as cold and hard and unexpected as a drop of freezing rain down my back. The one that sneaks past the layers of clothes I wear to protect myself.

I think a heartfelt “I’m so sorry” is appropriate here but it comes out like the empty cliché it is. This is a situation in which “I can’t imagine what you’re going through” feels ridiculous, heavy, useless. I don’t think they make sympathy cards for “there’s been an accident and we don’t know if he’ll live.”

I want to fix it. But we haven’t seen each other in months. And it’s never the same, even though somehow and miraculously it is.

I don’t hear from you for days; it feels like forever. I assume, then, that no news must be bad news. And it is.

It isn’t my loss but, because it is yours, it feels like mine. I can’t breathe when you tell me and I don’t expect that. Then, I don’t know what to do. Who to tell, how to say it. What to say to you. I feel far away and wish I could teleport, which I then remember is the super power you said you wish you had. I wanted Inspector Gadget’s mechanical legs. I guess both powers would allow us to get places faster. Maybe the place would be called closer to each other.

I do actually search for a “sympathy” card. (It’s a good thing they don’t make empathy cards because I don’t actually know what you’re experiencing.) I look for 10 minutes for a card that doesn’t make me think of widows in black polyester dresses, blue hair, and casseroles.

The most appropriate one I find is under the category “Thinking of You” because I am.

But that’s nothing new.