[clever title]

i have a question...

Friday, April 11, 2014

Overheard at Work, vol. XCVI

It's been an insane couple weeks--pushing through two six-day weeks in a row plus working 27 hours in 2 days during our annual gala.

This week, I helped run our annual singing competition and showcase and just got home to finish packing for a week off.

Next week's edition is sure to be bananas, as I'm spending the week with my ENTIRE family, including five kids under 9.

Me, to 7-year-old boy: I just want to squeeze you!
Boy: You can't squeeze me. I'm too fast!

8-year-old boy, to me, while inspecting my nails: I think you need a nanny-pedi.

Me, to Colleague A: Where's Emily?
Colleague A: I don't know who Emily is.
Me: Emily? Film and video teacher?
Colleague A: I didn't know her name was Emily.
Me: What did you think her name was?
Colleague A: I dunno. Martha?

13-year-old boy, singing: Cuz I'm happy...clap along if you feel like a room without a roof...CUZ I'M MAD.

Teen boy: I'd go to Simmons even though it's an all girls school. I'll be Jawanna Mann for a year.

Teen girl: That's all you need in life is chin hair and tattoos.

Friday, March 21, 2014

Overheard at Work, vol. XCV

Our big annual gala is two weeks from tomorrow. This was the last relatively low-key week before I disappear in preparation for that event.

I forgot to include this quote from last week:
Me, to two teen girls: You ladies should stay for Family Night.
Teen Girl: What's Family Night this month?
Me: For Women's History Month.
Girl: *rolls eyes*
Me: What?
Girl: I hate that...I'm like the opposite of a feminist.

Me, to a volunteer and an 8 year old boy: If I took a nap right now, what would you do?
Volunteer: Probably be really jealous.
8 year old boy: Um...cook you for dinner.

8 year old boy, thumbing through camp brochures: Yo. I need to be away from home for a little while.

Friday, March 14, 2014

Overheard at Work, vol. XCIV

Well these days are just flying by, aren't they?

This week featured a couple late night work days, one to take a group of teens to see a production of A Midsummer Night's Dream, which was lovely, and tonight, after Women's History Family Night, where I ran a super fun activity testing the kids' knowledge of important women in history and culture.

Colleague A, more beleaguered than I've ever been: It's too much work to eat.

Colleague B, hoping to avoid my (joke) plan to "drag him up" in honor of Women's History Month: I don't like things being done to me.

Me: Please, go sit with your peeps.
10-year-old boy: You can't say peeps.
Me: I can't?
Boy: No, that's a hood word.
Me: How do you know I'm not from the hood?
Boy: I know you're not from the hood.
Me: You have no idea where I'm from.
Boy: I know you're not from the hood. Look at you.
Me: Because I'm white, I can't be from the hood?
Boy: No! I'm not racist!
Me: You don't know where I'm from.
Boy: I know where you're from. You're from New Hampshire.
And then,
12-year-old boy: We know you're not from the hood because you're a good person.

After, I gave him an impassioned monologue about how people like him and his diverse group of friends should be seeing theatre, not just the old white people we were surrounded by at the play:
16-year-old boy: You're so black.
Me: I AM?
Boy: You just made it onto the top 5 list of blackest white people.
Me: Who else is on that list?
Boy: Justin Timberlake. Ellen DeGeneres. Donald Trump. (That was a joke.)
Me: OK. Who else?
Boy: Channing Tatum. Macklmore. Seth Rogen. Jonah Hill.
(My conclusion, after we talked about it was that I'm "black" because I'm down-to-earth and most white people are "hoity toity." Oof.)

Colleague C, getting ready to go out with other colleagues: Lady's out of town!
Me: Shit's gonna go down!...I just made a poem!...about cheating.

Monday, March 10, 2014

Just Write {10}

Some things I have considered writing about in the last two weeks:

1. I am back to reading bound books.

And I am, like, actually carrying a book in my purse on my commute. It's GLORIOUS. Mind you, bound books are more expensive than the impulsive Kindle purchases I was making to read on my phone, and now I want to spend all my money at a real live book store. But there is really nothing like holding a book in your hands while you read.

2. It is basically May.

S is coming to visit this weekend. I have next weekend totally off. Then I am working at an Arts Summit on 3/29, have a hair appointment on 3/30, my annual fundraiser is on 4/5, I am traveling to Ithaca for a family reunion from 4/12 to 4/19, and traveling to Providence on 4/25-27. See you in May.

3. I have spring fever real bad.

It's the time of year when I feel like I have a ton to do (clean my room, clear out my drawers, rearrange my room, organize my files, write some remarks for my grandmother's memorial), and instead of doing any of them, I try to find one more Academy Award nominated film I can stream online. It's like, with all my free time this weekend, there were too many options for how I could pass my time, so I did none of them.

4. I believe my 30s are going to be about consciously making bad decisions.

I have always been a pretty cautious and calculated person, and I have always been able to let reason and logic and practicality outweigh any impulses or guilty pleasures. But since turning 30, I'm pretty set on doing some things that a previous me would deem unwise. On purpose. For fun. Watch out.

Friday, February 28, 2014

Overheard at Work, vol. XCIII

It has been a ROUGH couple of weeks at work, and I can't figure out if it's this endless winter, something in the water, or the kids being the squirreliest ever, but we were all totally wiped out by the end of this week.

And it's not even crunch-event-prepping time yet. Yikes.

Colleague A, to an 8-year-old: LEROY! Why do you have a basketball out of the gym?...Why do you have an 87-year-old man's name?

Teen boy, to me: I was just talking about you!
Me: You were?
Teen: Yeah, about your mad typing skills.

Colleague B, as I tested her on vocabulary words for an exam: You know why "delude" confuses me? Because I think of deluding water.
Me: That's "dilute."
Colleague B, laughing: You're right!

Colleague A, wearing a 9-year-old girl's headband: I'm prettier than you.
Girl: You have a beard, dawg.

9-year-old boy: I hate my bathroom life.

Monday, February 17, 2014

Just Write {9}

I don't write about my personal life too much here.

Partly because it feels masturbatory.

Partly because MY PERSONAL LIFE ISN'T THAT INTERESTING.

But, let me just say, I've spent the last few months actively dating, which has been a relatively new and exciting phenomenon and I've learned a ton.

I was just at dinner with a new friend, who is being dragged through the muck by the man in her life.

They want different things: he to let her go and she to have him be hers.

And I sat there and told her she needed to listen to him.

He is telling her exactly what he means, and he is giving her nothing of what she deserves.

And this was the first time in my entire life that I was giving advice that I have been taking myself.

Historically, I have spoken from my mountaintop of objectivity and distance, telling friends what they should and should not put up with and being certain that they are only putting up with what they think they deserve.

And I just came out of a situation that wasn't what I wanted. We were not on the same page and I had to tell him that, to stand up for what I know I deserve and to ask for it and to be OK when he agreed he couldn't give it to me.

So it was profound to be speaking to my friend tonight from a place of experience rather than distance.

And to have asked for what I want and to still be standing when he couldn't give it to me.

And to actually be certain that there will be a man someday who can.

And to really believe that I deserve him.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Overheard at Work, vol. XCII

Today started with a couple loads of laundry and a little cooking and a REMARKABLY foul mood that didn't sufficiently disappear until my kids were choreographing a dance battle at the very end of the night, and then suddenly it was 10 PM and my workday was done and, with it, the END OF VALENTINE'S DAY!

Fewf.

Made it through unscathed.

Me, to a teen girl: Look at you with your long flowing locks!
Girl: It ain't mine though.

Me, to a 12 year old, in an unnecessary battle of wills: You're a hater.
Boy: I AM a hater. You're a hater because you can't do as much as me.

Colleague, to a group of jumpy elementary school students, waiting for computer time: I'm in charge now. Welcome to the 9th circle. Get in line.

Teen boy, dubbing me with the best nickname I've ever received: Trivia Diva.

9-year-old, guessing the answer to a Hangman clue (_IDDLES) that would reveal the game for the day: FIDDLES!
He also drew a pretty accurate portrait of Steve Harvey in our Pictionary game.

12-year-old girl: I really want a Shake Weight.

No.
Just. No.