[clever title]

i have a question...

Friday, August 28, 2015

Overheard at Work, vol. CXXIII

Summer 2015 programming ended today, in a flourish of team games, whipped cream, and friendship bracelets. It was the fastest and most grueling summer in my history there, and I am both shocked and relieved that it's over.

Me, to 7 year old boy: What was the best part of your day?
Boy: Going to the bathroom.
Me: Did you poop?
Boy: No, the best part of my day was...licking a toilet.

12 year old girl, answering "Who would play you in the movie of your life"?: Amy Schumer, Kevin Hart, or Ice Cube.

13 year old girl, to me: Did you hear that I was looking for you? It was all over the news!

7 year old girl: Everyone's hair looks nice. But some people's hair smells bad but I don't say anything about it.

Me, calling out trivia questions: What is a female adult horse called?
15 year old boy: Horsette.

Friday, August 7, 2015

Overheard at Work, vol. CXXII

I cannot discern one day from the next, and mostly, I'm just glad that it's Friday and that means I can drink ALL THE WINE.

Colleague A: *makes disgusted face* That's how you say "No" in sign language.

Colleague B: I'm eating this pizza, thinking about my life choices and wondering why I didn't wake up early to make stuffed chicken!

9 year old girl: Were you in Annie?
Me: Yes, when I was in 6th grade!
7 year old girl: Were you in the white one?

8 year old girl: She has gray hair!
7 year old girl: Oh my God, you have gray hair! What are you doing to yourself?!

12 year old boy: Annie!...Annie!...I forgot...I'll tell you later...OH! Annie! Can I have my phone?

14 year old boy, opening my snacks: I had to use my chest muscles to open this.

8 year old girl, describing the clue, "Dinosaurs": They were extinct. Like 300 years ago!

Friday, July 24, 2015

Overheard at Work, vol. CXXI

What can I tell you?

Days are long. Kids are hilarious.

Colleague A, regarding his crowded program space: I feel like I'm in the womb. With 125 siblings.

Colleague B, to me: All of my friends have seen your Dubsmashes. I have three friends.

Me, to a room of young teens: I'm running to the restroom. Don't kill each other.
13 year old girl: No promises.

13 year old girl, in an exercise where she was creating a life timeline: I'm gonna get divorced at 56.

Colleague C: I love cotton candy. It's like eating a cloud.

Me, to a 7 year old girl missing her two front teeth: You lost some teeth?
Girl: They're coming in September.
Me: You ordered them online?

9 year old boy: I can sniff better than any dog.

Colleague B: I'm bringing [Colleague D] a bagel...she's Jewish.

Me, to an 11 year old boy jumping around the room: You'll crack your face open!
Boy: I need a new face!

7 year old girl, reading "Rule #1": Rule hashtag 1.

Thursday, July 2, 2015

Overheard at Work (and in Vermont), vol. CXX

Oh heavens, so it's July.

June zoomed by in a flurry of special events, final presentations, a birthday celebration, and a graduate school reunion weekend that basically consisted of my three very good friends and me drinking for about 50 hours straight. Also some high belting and lots of laughing.

I have just survived my first week of my fifth summer at work, and I've compiled quotes from the last month or so, so we here we go!

Colleague A: It is warm enough. I can use my boomerang.

14 year old, creating the tagline for my impending birthday: 32 sexy for you!

Me, to an 8 year old boy soaked from the sprinklers: Do you have water in your ear?
Boy: I have water everywhere, I think.

Me, to my 23 year old colleague, who swiftly identified "Crossroads" by Bone Thugs n Harmony: Why do you know this song?
Colleague B: Because my dad's a thug.

Me, reflecting on my job: I feel like after this, I could run the fucking Pentagon.

7 year old boy: In three years, on November 1, I'm gonna be 8!

7 year old girl: I don't follow the rules. I don't play games. I just watch Netflix.

12 year old girl: How do you spell Impressionism?

And here are the collected quotes from my weekend of drunkenness, spent with wonderful old friends in Vermont, in celebration of our graduation from graduate school five years ago. They will likely not amuse any but ourselves.

SN: Hashtag, I was never a west.

PM, shrieking at a bug: Nature got a little too close!

SN, as we discussed dipping into the pond: Guys! I'm gonna get an infection!

Me: What's in the middle of the country?
SN: Laura Kraybill.

MW: Vagina: the city that never sleeps!

PM: All these cabinets smell like cheese.

SN: No offense, you're my best friend!

Emerson College, class of 2010 FOREVER!

Saturday, June 6, 2015

Overheard at Work, vol. CXIX

It's been another weird month. Not overwhelmingly busy but broken up by a week in Los Angeles with family and overridden with special events and prep for summer which is only two work weeks away!

8 year old boy: I'm done with homework!
Me: Where are you going now?
Boy: Australia.

10 year old boy: We have a lot of energy!
9 year old boy: STEROIDS!

10 year old girl: You went to California? Did you meet cowboy people?

18 year old girl, to her fellow (male) basketball players: Your feet don't have to stink to play ball!

Me, to a 9 year old girl: When are you going to be President?
Girl: When I'm 32.

Me, to colleague: I was definitely about to punch you in the mouth.
Colleague: You would have definitely broken your hand forever.

Teen boy: Guess whose birthday is on Sunday.
Me: Yours.
Boy: The artist, formerly known as Prince.

Friday, May 8, 2015

Overheard at Work, vol. CXVIII

I lost a month of blogging to heavy special event prep--our annual fundraiser was last Saturday! And, though we did raise a record $115,000 that night, it was an insane amount of work and led to a gap in blogging, not to mention sleeping, eating regularly, and relaxing, in general.

Me, to a 14 year old girl: Your friends are in that room.
Girl: I have friends?

Alumna, to me: Your lips look like you took the Kylie Jenner lip challenge.

8 year old girl: I want to be the President! Or a doctor.

14 year old boy, to me: Waddup sexy slim?

Me, to a teen boy: Why are you fancy?
Boy: Because it's Tuesday.
Me: It's Wednesday.

Colleague, to me: You look good. Are you ovulating?

Friday, April 3, 2015

Overheard at Work, vol. CXVII

Made it through a very long March and the weather is even turning. I walked outside today with NO JACKET!

Me, to newest colleague: Do you not know all the staff?!
Colleague A: I still can't find the bathroom!

Colleague B, regarding cats: They are cold-blooded killing machines.
Colleague C: And they're fluffy.

Me, to teenage boy on the phone: Was that your mother?
Teenage boy: It was YOUR mother.

Colleague D: I feel so weird today. Weird head space, negative energy...
Me: Your aura is gray?
Colleague D: My aura is gray...Cloudy with a chance of meatballs.

Group of boys: ...sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes baby...

Wait, that's not right.