i have a question...

Friday, April 27, 2012

Overheard at Work, vol. XLV

Good God, this week was long.

I just looked back at the quotes I jotted down earlier this week and they seem like they came from months ago.

10-year-old girl, after the end of a brief monologue about attending the "Our Changing Bodies" seminar at school: They give us pads. (defensively) What?

While checking in on an inventing activity, in which they were constructing weight-bearing chairs out of cardboard boxes:
Me: That one actually looks really comfortable.
Colleague: You should go test it.
Me: It looks like it's made for an 11-year-old boy, not a 28-year-old woman.
Colleague (to kid): Ooooh, she called you...11.

Social work intern, while killing time (to a kid): Hey, you wanna get psychoanalyzed?
Kid: You wanna get your head squished?

12-year-old, singing: Do you know the muffin man, the muffin man, the muffin man?
Colleague: Dude. Stop.

9-year-old: Annie, will you shove me in the vending machine?

Colleague: My (other) boss kicked my butt today in our workout. I'll be ripped in like...20 years.

Colleague: Do you ever feel like your water bottle is your fourth arm?

Volunteer, while setting up a riddle: So there's a midget...
Me: Excuse me, the word is little person.
Him: Little person. Dwarf.
Me: No! Dwarf is a totally different diagnosis!
Him: It is?
Me: Yeah, dwarf is regular-sized face, weird body.
(How un-PC is THAT? Oof.)

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Overheard at Work, vol. XLIV

Even with Monday off (as compensation for us all working the Saturday of our big annual fundraiser), this week felt endless. Not to mention that we were open from 8:30 to 5:30 every day and there were kids in the building from the moment the doors were opened until the moment the doors were closed.

Have you ever tried to get work done in a building full of children? It's really hard.

I was in the middle of such intense work mode yesterday that I assumed TODAY was Friday.

7-year-old in the computer lab: Can I move to another computer?
Me: Why?
Kid: Because this computer is too slow and it's causing me very stressful.

At the park:
Me: Oh my God, those bugs are mating!
10-year-old, while running from across the park: THEY'RE MATING?! I WANNA SEE!!!
Kid: I think one of them is sick and the other is taking him to the hospital.

While playing a game, in which a 12-year-old was cheating:
Me: I'm gonna kick you.
Kid: I've got a hankering for a spankering.

As a kid asked me for some money so he could go to the store:
Me: My wallet's not on me.
12-year-old nearby: What? You don't have your wallet?
Me: No, it's just not on my body. It's in my purse.
Kid: Somebody could steal it.
Me: Nah.
Kid, getting up to leave: Hey! Let's go rob Annie!

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Overheard at Work, vol. XLIII

The benefit to it being BANANAS at work is that the week goes quickly. This week ended with our annual music showcase, where our band and winner of our annual singing competition both performed.

This year, we made the event a field trip so I traveled with 4 staff and 30 kids to the theatre and back last night, on about 6 hours of sleep and a mild hangover from the night before...

Here's to a three-day weekend full of pretty much NOTHING (save some spring cleaning, laundry, and light shopping.)

Lateral lisp kid, unprompted, as per usual: I am a true American!
Me: Really?
Him: NO!

In one of my acting programs, we were playing Bus Stop, where the kids' objective is to convince the person sitting on a bench that he should give up his seat. It's about character and tactic. The tactic inevitably turns to threatening physical violence:
8th grade boy: If you don't move, I will kill you.
Me: How about you try something BESIDES threatening to kill him?
Him: OK OK. I will give you brownies!

Lateral lisp kid was exclaiming to himself that BFF could mean something BESIDES Best Friend Forever, that is, that the F could stand for a bad word. Then he experimented:
Kid: You're my BFC. Best Freckled Staff.
(Yes, that is a direct quote.)

10 year old, looking at a hardboiled egg: How do you unlock this?

Teen, mildly fearful of the strings of a rug sticking out from under a door: What is that?
Me: It's the rug unraveling.
Teen: I thought it was a monster.

He and I were discussing that I hadn't had a day off except to get a root canal or be sick since January 1 (true story).
Teen: Well, technically, weekends are your days off. You just need to use them to the fullest. Get your bubble bath on.

9 year old, in a debate with my music teacher:
Teacher: Girls are gross.
Girl: Boys have a ridickilous stuffy nose.
(That's how she pronounced it, not how it's spelled. Obvi.)

Saturday, April 7, 2012

Overheard at Work, vol. XLII

Good God, it's early April. So, just an FYI, this is total insane crunch time at work. Like, I'm talking five big events in as many weeks. Long hours, lots of sleepless nights.

The season of drinking has begun.

I was so tired this Thursday and Friday that I thought I was getting the flu. My whole body was fatigued. I'm not entirely sure why, except it must partly be stress.

Anyway, I apologize for my radio silence. I didn't collect that many quotes last week because I was too busy running around.

A 10-year-old's exclamation at my heated discussion of The Hunger Games with a teen: "What in the world?"
Me: "Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?"
Her: "I don't know!"

Me: How old do you think I am?
8-year-old: 39.

Me: Please put that [large, round stool] down.
Lateral lisp kid: OK. (holding it like a steering wheel) I'm driving a car. I hate driving because my license picture is ugly.

Me, while looking at the surprisingly lower grades of a super good 8-year-old student: What happened here?
Her: My teacher has been out because she's on maternity ward!

Me, exclaiming at the stains on an 11-year-old's sweatshirt: How'd you get all that...schmageggi all over your sweater?
10-year-old near by: It's schmagetti sauce!