Overheard at Work, vol. LXIX

This week, I woke up on Tuesday, sure it was Saturday. By Thursday night, I was barely staving off sickness. And after a full day of kids because they had a holiday on Good Friday, I am ready to crawl into my bed and go to sleep.

But first...

18-year-old boy, getting ready to flex for a photograph: My right arm is really like Rambo...it's like...a muscle inside a muscle.

8-year-old boy: Cool means Constipated Overweighted Out-of-style Loser.

Me, to an 8-year-old boy: You're so cute.
Boy: You're so weird.

13-year-old boy, when we told him he'd have to speak to our colleague about missing tutoring the previous day: OK. You know how much people like cake? Take that bar, flip it upside down, and add 5. That's how it is dealing with her.
Me: So your feelings about dealing with her are the OPPOSITE of how you feel about cake!

16-year-old girl, to me: So, why aren't you married?
Me: Because I'm not in a relationship.
Girl: Oh.

Me, to two tween girls who were sitting next to each other: What are you doing?
12-year-old girl: Texting each other.

Me, to a teenaged boy, wearing a Mets cap: Are you a Mets fan?
Boy: Nah, I just got it cuz it matched my sneakers.

Overheard at Work, vol. LXVIII

Super insane event crunchtime is definitely upon us.

This week was very odd; on top of a holiday on Monday, during which we were open all day, and a snow day on Tuesday, during which we were open 1/2 a day, plus preparation for our annual singing competition.

It also felt strangely long, and I am so glad it's over.

But our singing competition event went better than any in my history at the club, so I am super thrilled about that!

8-year-old boy: I'm gonna make a B sandwich.
Me: What's that?
Boy: A sandwich made of pieces of pancake and eggs.
(Sounds DELICIOUS!)

[During a game of Apples to Apples, when HIPPOPOTAMUS was entered for the word TALENTED.]
11-year-old boy: A hippopotamus isn't talented. That's just how it was born. It's not a talent. It's a characteristic.
(OK then.)

Colleague: Where did you hear Frank Ocean got shot in the leg yesterday?
12-year-old boy: Cartoon Network!

8-year-old boy, frustrated with his homework: I can't even smell myself think anymore!

8-year-old boy, while screaming on the stairs to no one in particular: I was actually voted Most Annoying in my house!
(Accurate.)

Overheard at Work, vol. LXVII

Remember that time I mentioned spring last week and then over a foot of snow fell today?

Yeah.

Me, referring to my colleague's varied musical taste (her car radio is set to opera and hip-hop): She just showed her Gemini.
Colleague B: Her vagina??

Me, to an 18-year-old boy: You know why girls want to date you?
Boy: Because I'm sexy.

16-year-old, as he gathered supplies, including lined paper: I thought that was zero ox paper.
Me: You mean Xerox?

I don't know who invented it, but there's this ongoing game of putting your fingers together and making people glance at your fist that is an ongoing gag at work. The following is an exchange regarding that stupid game, when I tried desperately to win it.
Colleague C: It doesn't work if you just shove it in someone's face.
Me: That's what she said.

Colleague D and I are discussing a well-known TV show. Colleague E doesn't know what we're talking about.
Colleague E: I don't really watch TV.
Colleague D: THAT'S WHY! You're a Mormon!

10-year-old girl, discussing her hair routine: I have expensive taste!

Colleague F, a 22-year-old man, talking to an 8-year-old boy: It's OK to cry. I cry when I watch my soap operas.

12-year-old boy: Somebody called you an owl.
Me: Somebody called me an owl?
Boy: Yeah.
Me: Why?
Boy: Somebody called you an owl.
Me: WHY?
Boy: No! Somebody called you an owl!
Me: WHY?
Boy: NO! You're supposed to say WHO!

Overheard at Work, vol. LXVI

We made it through February!

But March is really long.

And it sort of feels like the sun hasn't been out in months.

But spring is definitely coming. Right?

Me to an 11-year-old girl: You're like...a woman. It's so weird.
Girl: I don't want to be a woman. Women...scare me.

Me: Being a woman is alright.
Girl: HAHA! You're not a woman! My mom's a woman!
Me: I could be your mom!
Girl: You could be my mom. But that would look weird.
(She's Haitian.)

Me, to a teenaged boy: Are you OK?
Boy: I'm fine. I just haven't had any chicken today. You know how Spanish people eat chicken.

Colleague, nearing the end of our day, when we had dinner plans: I want to teleport to Somerville.
Me: I want to teleport to having wine in my system.

Seems Like When I Wasn't Bored, I Was Crying

I wasn’t able to blog the Oscars last year because I got hit with a 24-hour fever and could not leave my bed. But I am obsessive enough of a fan that I woke up the next morning and YouTubed every actor acceptance speech. (Meryl Streep wins Best Speech of All Time!)

I’m so excited to have the living room to myself, be full of mac n cheese, be drinking Pinot Grigio, and be watching and blogging the Oscars once again this year!

Best Dressed: Stacy Kiebler, followed closely by Naomi Watts, Reese Witherspoon and Jessica Chastain.

Worst Dressed: Anne Hathaway, who looks like she is tweaking her own nipples in this picture, followed closely by Kristen Stewart and Melissa McCarthy.

Best Joke in Seth MacFarlane’s opening: re. Roman Coppola's family legacy --“Mom! I got an A!” “Oh really? Literally every person you’re related to has an Oscar!” (The entire opening was a THRILL.)

Moment that Made Me Cry #1: Channing Tatum and Charlize Theron’s pas de deux (genuinely lovely, unexpected, and emotional).

Least Funny Presenters Who Are Paid to Be Funny: Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy with their lame voice bits, introducing Best Animated Short, followed closely by Seth MacFarlane as Ted (with Mark Wahlberg).

Moment that Made Me Cry #2: Reese Witherspoon. Don’t ask me to explain.

Moment that Made Me Cry #3: The first Best Picture montage, especially Quvanzhane Wallis. Oh. My. God.

Least Funny Presenters Who Aren’t Paid to Be Funny: The Avengers cast.

Funniest Presenters Who Aren’t Paid to Be Funny: Jennifer Aniston and Channing Tatum, discussing waxing. (I guess she’s paid to be funny, but he was funnier.)

Best Bond Tribute Moment: Shirley Bassey fucking KILLING IT.

Worst Joke Made by Seth MacFarlane: Reducing Jessica Chastain’s performance in Zero Dark Thirty to a joke about women “never being able to let things go.”

Biggest Disappointment(s): Catherine Zeta-Jones’s lip sync in the movie musical montage. Catherine, we hardly knew ye. Also, the performance by the cast of Les Mis. (Except for Samantha Barks and Aaron Tveit. Sometimes you have to leave the singing to the theatre stars. Sorrynotsorry.) 

Moment that Made Me Cry #4: Paul N.J. Ottoson’s thanking his father during his acceptance speech for Sound Editing forZero Dark Thirty.

Moment that Made Me Cry #5: Adele beginning to sing “Skyfall.” And then I was disappointed that she didn’t BUST OUT.

Moment that Made Me Cry #6: All those ABC commercials, featuring Modern Family.

Best Cher Impression: Barbra Streisand.

Moment that Made Me Cry #7: The Chasing Ice song. What is WRONG with me?

Moment that Made Me Cry #8: Adele’s overwhelmed face at her Best Song win, followed by her pulling herself together. And then her weepy speech. (First real tears of the night. I love her.)

Moment that Made Me Cry #9: The genuine moment between Dustin Hoffman and Charlize Theron when he complimented her dancing and she got embarrassed. (I love it when actors show they’re human.)

Worst Example of Oscar-winning Writing Talent: Quentin Tarantino’s ending his winning Best Original Screenplay speech with “peace out!”

Biggest Surprise: Ang Lee’s win for Best Director!

Moment that Made Me Cry #10: Naomi Watts’s clip from The Impossible. I can NEVER see that movie. Ever.

Most Unforgettable Moment of the Night: Jennifer Lawrence fully FALLING on her way to accept her Best Actress Oscar.

Moment that Made Me Cry #11: Daniel Day-Lewis. (Second bout of real tears.)

Best Speech of the Night: Daniel Day-Lewis. Way to make us cry and then laugh and then cry again, sir. Joking about playing Margaret Thatcher, acknowledging that his wife has lived with many strange men, as he’s played all those parts, and generally being a motherfuckin’ poet, as per usual.

Most Delightfully Lecherous Phrase Used by a Presenter: Jack Nicholson: “Sequins, chiffon, blush, ringlets.”

Moment that Made Me Cry #12: Ben Affleck’s classy, emotional, soulful, tearful speech, after winning Best Picture for Argo.

And, I gotta say, an Oscar telecast that ends with a song with the c-word in it ain’t half bad in my book.

Goodnight!

Overheard at Work, vol. LXV

Goddamn.

What a week.

This was February vacation week, which meant that we were open from 8:30 to 5:30 every day.

I felt remarkably good about this week until today, when I opened at 8:30 AM and then found out that we were down seven staff members. I spent most of my day covering the music room and oversaw a spontaneous dance party, complete with dancing the Bronx Wine and the Harlem Shake and twerking.

After sleeping around 6 hours two nights in a row, I am ready for some downtime and my only plan for the weekend is getting a haircut on Sunday.

Colleague A: I don't understand what a hipster is. But I don't understand what most things are.

Colleague B, in response to my question of if she'd seen Lincoln: I don't like movies.

7 year old girl, to me: We're playing Teacher. Can you be the teacher?

Me, singing Ne-Yo's "Let Me Love You": Girl, let me love you, baby!
Colleague C: I'll love you long time.

8-year-old boy, at the culmination of discussing how he had to give up singing and dancing for religious reasons: A lady saw my future. I'm gonna be a man who goes to different countries and talks to people about God.

14-year-old boy, filling time during Karaoke, singing: We shall overcome!

A Day of Contentment and Gratitude

It snowed today.

I had plans to have lunch with my cousin early afternoon and when I left my house to catch the bus, it was snowing.

I left with plenty of time to make it if I walked, and so I decided to, realizing even as I started to walk, that by not taking the bus I would have some time to call my brother.

I called him and left a message, assuming he was working, which he was.

Then, I kept walking and thinking...I am grateful to my lovely boss, so I texted her.

I am grateful to my friend whom I have not seen in over a year.

So I texted him.

I am grateful to my cousins, who are my friends as well as my family.

So I texted them.

I am grateful to my lovely roommate.

So I texted her.

I spent the 30 or so minutes, strolling in the snow, to reach out to people and thank them for their friendship and love. I was so overwhelmed by their text responses, sharing the sentiment, that I had to stop on my walk to wipe tears away.

My cousin and I then spent a 2 1/2 hour lunch, drinking and eating and catching up.

We hurried back to her house, where her boisterous, curious, hilarious kid got dropped off and I spent the evening with them, hearing stories about robots and getting kisses from her peanut butter mouth.

Then, I went home and got laundry done and caught up with my roommate.

Then I found this, and my day of contentment and gratitude was complete.



Live your life, live your life, live your life.