Overheard at Work, vol. LXIX

This week, I woke up on Tuesday, sure it was Saturday. By Thursday night, I was barely staving off sickness. And after a full day of kids because they had a holiday on Good Friday, I am ready to crawl into my bed and go to sleep.

But first...

18-year-old boy, getting ready to flex for a photograph: My right arm is really like Rambo...it's like...a muscle inside a muscle.

8-year-old boy: Cool means Constipated Overweighted Out-of-style Loser.

Me, to an 8-year-old boy: You're so cute.
Boy: You're so weird.

13-year-old boy, when we told him he'd have to speak to our colleague about missing tutoring the previous day: OK. You know how much people like cake? Take that bar, flip it upside down, and add 5. That's how it is dealing with her.
Me: So your feelings about dealing with her are the OPPOSITE of how you feel about cake!

16-year-old girl, to me: So, why aren't you married?
Me: Because I'm not in a relationship.
Girl: Oh.

Me, to two tween girls who were sitting next to each other: What are you doing?
12-year-old girl: Texting each other.

Me, to a teenaged boy, wearing a Mets cap: Are you a Mets fan?
Boy: Nah, I just got it cuz it matched my sneakers.