The Five-Minute Face...Now, with Natural Ingredients

For years and years, S was my makeup artist.

Every time we ever went out (which, for a while, was like every other night), she'd fancy herself up before making me stand still and close my eyes and look up and look down and make funny faces, so she could concentrate on making me pretty (er, prettier) for the evening's festivities.

I was never a very good customer, creeping her out by opening one eye or screaming when the eyeliner would come close to me.

When I moved to California before Boston, I decided I needed to be a grown-up and spent hundreds of dollars on Bare Escentuals makeup so I could figure out how to make my own face up.

I followed Carmindy's advice (she of What Not to Wear fame) and learned how to do the Five-Minute Face.

It's still something I feel like I'm practicing to perfect, but at least I can manage it myself now.

I tell you all this because yesterday morning, I made myself a small breakfast of a half a bagel with peanut butter and then put on a full face of makeup for the day.

I don't know if it was because it was before 10 AM or because I hadn't done a full face in months, but I made a real mess of it.

And everyone knows that spit is the best makeup remover.

So I stuck a Q-Tip in my mouth and began to fix my eyes.

Then, I realized I was wiping my eyes with peanut butter saliva.

They stayed itchy and kind of sticky all day, but at least they looked pretty!