Less Lost

The two poems below were written within days of each other and within days before moving from Berkeley to NYC. They were inspired by my friend Bonnie saying, as she looked at my school ID that had been taken 4 years earlier, that I looked the same, just less lost.

Lost, June 23, 2005
She said I look the same but less lost, yet I’m reeling.
Spiraling down some familiar whirlpool and hoping you’re at the center somewhere,
Waiting perhaps with a questioning, uncertain look or an
open, inviting smile to what we both have known is right.
It’s us found.
Instead—I’m reeling alone…and so are you.
And I grope for some familiar handhold…
lumber blindly through crowded streets in a city you’re not in
(even though you belong there).
And I try not to wait for you to finally find me, so we can both be the same, just less lost.

Untitled, June 25, 2005
She said I look the same, just less lost.
But I write on a post-it to remember my name.
Two notes of a song saunter through my head—
And somehow I’m back where I started.

I closed the door weeks ago, but you strolled back in like you own the place,
You didn’t even knock—
Just moved back into me as if you’d never left.

I stamp through familiar territory.
I’ve trod this path before—still got my armor on.
I’m ready for battle.
But I guess you want peace.