i have a question...

Monday, February 17, 2014

Just Write {9}

I don't write about my personal life too much here.

Partly because it feels masturbatory.


But, let me just say, I've spent the last few months actively dating, which has been a relatively new and exciting phenomenon and I've learned a ton.

I was just at dinner with a new friend, who is being dragged through the muck by the man in her life.

They want different things: he to let her go and she to have him be hers.

And I sat there and told her she needed to listen to him.

He is telling her exactly what he means, and he is giving her nothing of what she deserves.

And this was the first time in my entire life that I was giving advice that I have been taking myself.

Historically, I have spoken from my mountaintop of objectivity and distance, telling friends what they should and should not put up with and being certain that they are only putting up with what they think they deserve.

And I just came out of a situation that wasn't what I wanted. We were not on the same page and I had to tell him that, to stand up for what I know I deserve and to ask for it and to be OK when he agreed he couldn't give it to me.

So it was profound to be speaking to my friend tonight from a place of experience rather than distance.

And to have asked for what I want and to still be standing when he couldn't give it to me.

And to actually be certain that there will be a man someday who can.

And to really believe that I deserve him.

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