Overheard at Work, vol. XCIII

It has been a ROUGH couple of weeks at work, and I can't figure out if it's this endless winter, something in the water, or the kids being the squirreliest ever, but we were all totally wiped out by the end of this week.

And it's not even crunch-event-prepping time yet. Yikes.

Colleague A, to an 8-year-old: LEROY! Why do you have a basketball out of the gym?...Why do you have an 87-year-old man's name?

Teen boy, to me: I was just talking about you!
Me: You were?
Teen: Yeah, about your mad typing skills.

Colleague B, as I tested her on vocabulary words for an exam: You know why "delude" confuses me? Because I think of deluding water.
Me: That's "dilute."
Colleague B, laughing: You're right!

Colleague A, wearing a 9-year-old girl's headband: I'm prettier than you.
Girl: You have a beard, dawg.

9-year-old boy: I hate my bathroom life.

Just Write {9}

I don't write about my personal life too much here.

Partly because it feels masturbatory.

Partly because MY PERSONAL LIFE ISN'T THAT INTERESTING.

But, let me just say, I've spent the last few months actively dating, which has been a relatively new and exciting phenomenon and I've learned a ton.

I was just at dinner with a new friend, who is being dragged through the muck by the man in her life.

They want different things: he to let her go and she to have him be hers.

And I sat there and told her she needed to listen to him.

He is telling her exactly what he means, and he is giving her nothing of what she deserves.

And this was the first time in my entire life that I was giving advice that I have been taking myself.

Historically, I have spoken from my mountaintop of objectivity and distance, telling friends what they should and should not put up with and being certain that they are only putting up with what they think they deserve.

And I just came out of a situation that wasn't what I wanted. We were not on the same page and I had to tell him that, to stand up for what I know I deserve and to ask for it and to be OK when he agreed he couldn't give it to me.

So it was profound to be speaking to my friend tonight from a place of experience rather than distance.

And to have asked for what I want and to still be standing when he couldn't give it to me.

And to actually be certain that there will be a man someday who can.

And to really believe that I deserve him.

Overheard at Work, vol. XCII

Today started with a couple loads of laundry and a little cooking and a REMARKABLY foul mood that didn't sufficiently disappear until my kids were choreographing a dance battle at the very end of the night, and then suddenly it was 10 PM and my workday was done and, with it, the END OF VALENTINE'S DAY!

Fewf.

Made it through unscathed.

Me, to a teen girl: Look at you with your long flowing locks!
Girl: It ain't mine though.

Me, to a 12 year old, in an unnecessary battle of wills: You're a hater.
Boy: I AM a hater. You're a hater because you can't do as much as me.

Colleague, to a group of jumpy elementary school students, waiting for computer time: I'm in charge now. Welcome to the 9th circle. Get in line.

Teen boy, dubbing me with the best nickname I've ever received: Trivia Diva.

9-year-old, guessing the answer to a Hangman clue (_IDDLES) that would reveal the game for the day: FIDDLES!
He also drew a pretty accurate portrait of Steve Harvey in our Pictionary game.

12-year-old girl: I really want a Shake Weight.

No.
Just. No.

Overheard at Work, vol. XCI

I haven't posted a traditional Overheard at Work volume since December 21? That is crazy.

I guess considering a combination of snow days, holidays, and two weeks off with my concussion, it's not so shocking.

Or maybe my job just isn't as funny anymore..

JUST KIDDING!

Alum, greeting me: Annie Kee? More like Annie G!

Me, hugging a teen: You're sweaty!...And cold.
His teen friend: That's kind of...sexy.

Teenage boy, to his friend: Your MOM is...[noticing me coming up the stairs] I mean...how is your mom doing?
(I praised him for his good save.)

12-year-old girl: I want a Snapchat, so I can be like...[miming taking a picture of herself] Coloring!

I asked my co-workers to help me think of objects and people that the kids could act out in a game of Charades:
Colleague A: Buffalo.
Colleague B: Snowstorm.
Colleague A: Ann-Margret.

I then narrowed it down to get some items of food on the list.
Me: OK, how about something you eat?
Colleague C: Chia seeds!

Not helpful.