I Watched Another Award Show...So You Didn't Have To

Truth be told, part of me would rather be cleaning my apartment right now.

Especially since my shitty subletter left a huge mess in the house and the room that Naheil is taking over next week. Even though I offered to help her.

Twice.

Bitch snuck out without so much as a word of farewell and left a room full of furniture and a mess. I’ve been cleaning my apartment all day, in the pursuit of a clean slate.

I counted it as my cardio for the day.

But! I’ll continue my efforts to scrub her out of the house tomorrow.

Tonight, I have more pressing things to do! Like share my impressions of the Primetime Emmys with all of you!

I know you’re excited.

I watched the last 10 minutes or so of the Red Carpet ceremony. Mostly, it was awkward, as per usual. And I was slightly ashamed to discover that I recognized both Sofia Vergara and Julie Bowen’s voices from down the hall.

Obviously, I watch too much TV.

I won’t even share how many entire series of shows I’ve seen since I got back from Connecticut less than three weeks ago…BUT...I am now addicted to Dexter and will soon be addicted to Mad Men, both of which are big and deserving contenders tonight.

Here are some highlights and lowlights of the evening.

Highlights:
That ridiculously amazing opening number. A genius cast of Glee actors, Jimmy Fallon, Tina Fey, Kate Gosselin, Jon Hamm, Hurley!, Joel McHale, and more singing “Born to Run.” I might have gotten a chill and a tear in my eye. I am such a nerd.

I wanted NPH to win the award for Supporting Actor in a Comedy, but Eric Stonestreet from Modern Family winning also made me ridiculously happy because he totally deserves it, and he looked so genuinely dazed.

Jane Lynch winning Supporting Actress in a Comedy. Love her, love her, love her. She is so classy and smart and funny.

Ryan Murphy, shouting out for arts education during his acceptance speech for Directing in Comedy for his work on Glee.

George Clooney’s cameo in the Modern Family clip.

Edie Falco proclaiming herself not funny, as she accepted the award for Lead Actress in a Comedy Series.

Fallon as Elton John, Boys II Men, and Billie Joe Armstrong, honoring 24, Law & Order, and LOST.

Kyra Sedgwick making a super classy speech, accepting for Lead Actress in a Drama, and making Tina Fey hold her award.

Ricky Gervais, killing it, as always, while presenting and bringing the audience beers. Then, making the name Bucky Gunts sound as filthy as it should. Ridiculous.

George Clooney’s generous and witty speech, accepting the Bob Hope Humanitarian Award.

Julia Ormond, accepting for Supporting Actress in a Miniseries or Movie, for her work in Temple Grandin, announcing that she told her mother she had been “emminated for a Nommy.”

Claire Danes’s dress.

David Strathairn, honoring teachers, during his acceptance speech for Supporting Actor in a Miniseries or Movie for his work in Temple Grandin.

Claire Danes being so collected and eloquent, accepting an award for Lead Actress in a Miniseries or Movie for Temple Grandin.

Jimmy Fallon embracing Tom Selleck, “his dad.”

Matthew Weiner jumping right back into the speech that was interrupted, while accepting Best Drama Series, for Mad Men.

Modern Family winning Best Comedy Series. So great! I loved that Ed O’Neill was sneaking around to congratulate everyone.

Lowlights:
Lauren Graham’s dress

Padma Lakshmi on the mic while the producer of Top Chef accepted the award.

The botched slap between Julianna Margulies and Jimmy Fallon, introducing the Drama category. I’m on the fence about the category intros, in general.

The producers cutting off Matthew Weiner’s acceptance speech for Writing in a Drama. Glad he got a chance to continue it…

I love her, but Tina Fey’s dress

January Jones mumbling Julia Ormond’s name. It’s pronounced OR-muhnd, lady.

Anna Paquin’s dress, panting, and pouting, during her stint as presenter

General thoughts:
I’m glad Dexter got one award, and Mad Men got two. Sad Friday Night Lights didn’t get anything!

Apparently, I need to get on the Breaking Bad wagon! What is WRONG with me?

And, finally, the question that I know you’re all dying to know the answer to: how many times did I cry?
The opening number, Stonestreet’s speech, Lynch’s speech, the Reality montage (don’t judge), BOTH commercials for this season of the Oprah show (feel free to judge this), the Drama montage, Julianna Margulies’s tribute to George Clooney, the Miniseries and Movies montage, Temple Grandin’s appearance, Claire Danes’s win (this one actually got tears to fall), Temple Grandin winning best Television Movie and the producer’s speech.

That’s a grand total of twelve.

Jesus.