The Long-Awaited and Lengthy California Post

It struck me several times throughout the trip that I should have been posting. It was a fun-filled whirlwind of a trip with more hilarious details than I can possibly include here. Six days and five nights in LA and four days and four nights in Berkeley. We got home super late Friday night and I've slept 20 1/2 hours in two nights since then.

Some highlights, life lessons, and fun facts lie below.

SE's uncle is the Head Chef at NBC Studios, so we got free lunch (including the best chocolate chip cookie I've EVER had) and the artists' treatment at a taping of the Tonight Show, with Adam Sandler, Judd Apatow, and Soulja Boy as guests. I swear you can hear my cackle on the telecast from May 7. Also, I walked by Apatow as he pulled his suit out of his huge car and he walked right by me as he entered the studio. I nearly peed. Then, later in the day, I passed the Access Hollywood crew room, where the men there were singing "We Didn't Start the Fire." The women's restroom smelled like wintergreen and the soap smelled like coconut. Just FYI.

I spent some great time with my cousins and the baby. He and SE seemed to be soulmates. We ate great, authentic Mexican food at the Farmer's Market and took lots of pictures and videos of Chazzy being the charming, brilliant almost-three-year-old that he is. I've settled into Boston life, but it was incredibly soul-feeding for me to be around family for a while this week.

SE's uncle threw us a cocktail party the Friday night we spent with him. (This man has been called the "Mayor of West Hollywood," so it seemed like all the gay glitterati were there, and I was the only woman at the party, which was surprisingly disconcerting but also slightly hilarious, especially since I looked HOT and no one cared.)

Recovered the next day with diner food and chilling by the spa on the back patio, playing Six Degrees of Separation with SE's uncle's tenant. (SE's uncle's house has the nicest bathroom I've been in in a long time. I was green with envy about it, and the back patio is also a place I've missed since we left it. I also miss his dog, Jake.) Danced that night at a gay club called Cherry Pop until not too late. We both wanted to hear ONE GOOD SONG and then knew we'd be ready for bed, so when "Single Ladies" came on we shook our booties something fierce and then left, breathless and satisfied with the evening.

Our last full day in LA we finally ventured outside of Beverly Hills and ended up at the Getty, where we saw two incredible photography exhibits ( Paul Outerbridge's "Command Performance" and Jo Ann Callis's "Woman Twirling"). They were haunting and inspiring. The evening was spent at a drag one-woman show, Miss Coco Peru is Undaunted, which was mostly hilarious and also slightly bad. I had another celebrity sighting that night, since Jane Lynch was in attendance.

We felt like such grown-ups in LA because we rented a car to get around, and by the end of the week, we were navigating Beverly Hills like natives. Although, SE's iPhone's GPS came in quite handy, and we made a great traveling team all week. (Little known fact about me, I'm an incredible first mate.)

Headed up to Oakland, where K generously picked us up and fed us homemade minestrone, until my mom was home from her acting class Monday night. K also gave me four books AND a pair of shoes. She's the best.

Tuesday morning, we had breakfast with Mom at Saul's and then I showed SE around Berkeley. I felt surprisingly at home all week. It was so nice to be back in my old stomping grounds and to be back on campus. And it was especially nice to share this part of my life with SE. He seemed to gain an even better understanding of me having seen where I became who he knows and loves. I'd move back to Northern California in a second, I decided.

Met up with my old roommate and great friend, M, that evening for sushi and organic ice cream (Black Sesame and Lavender, to be exact), while SE ventured into SF alone to meet an old friend. When M and I get together we seem to lose time, and suddenly, it was 10:30 and we had to part again.

Basically the only reason SE wanted to join me in NorCal was to see the Apple Headquarters in Cupertino, so after having a big breakfast with K on Wednesday, we headed south and ate lunch on the campus. The most exciting thing about the place for me was that the restrooms on campus have free tampons. I wouldn't have been able to survive that day without K because SE was in his own universe. He was very excited. And then spent nearly $100 at the retail store.

We did a very Berkeley thing that night by attending the Berkeley Poetry Slam at The Starry Plough, where we met B. It made me want to write again, so stay tuned as I figure out how to get some new stuff posted here. Then had breakfast with B the next day, at Guerrilla Cafe. After napping and resting for several hours, K and I wanted to show SE the Castro, so we finally headed to the city together and walked the forty minutes from downtown to the Castro. As we passed the Orpheum Theater and realized that Wicked was playing there, we vowed to return in time to put our names into the lottery to get tickets that night. Ate lunch, rode a trolley, took pictures, SE got cruised a little bit, then headed back to the theater and I WON TWO TICKETS!!! (I never win anything!) The show was mostly magical and only slightly disappointing. The standby for Elphaba was INCREDIBLE, but I was underwhelmed by the book. Still, I was so happy to have seen it, and it was a lovely way to end the trip. I even got a pin that says "I won the Wicked lottery!"

For those of you who were concerned, the flights were all fine. I was very impressed with my ability to stay calm, considering I was in five planes in nine days. We were both very happy to return to Boston, although when we landed, I was slightly confused. Since when do I live in Boston?!

Mostly, I'm impressed that SE and I didn't kill each other. Not even close. I do always forget that I have a hard time traveling, let alone traveling WITH another person. Nine days away from my own bed is about four too many. Note to self.

And finally, here are some choice quotes from the trip, with guest appearances by K and B:
"Look at how much fun we're having!"-SE
"There is a seat belt in my sphincter."-SE
"I thought the closer we got the more I could hump you."-SE
"Banana in the cooter."-AK
"Don't go rogue."-AK
"Reverse on Fairfax?"-SE
"Smegma is the wrong audience for everybody."-AK
"I'm seriously going to have an orgasm because we're gonna be 10 minutes early. Seriously. My vagina's wet."-AK
"I'm not even gonna tell you you have lettuce on your boob."-SE
"People who live (in Salt Lake City) have names like Michael Taylor."-AK
"Whatever. I'm gay and I like sex."-SE
"I can't reach my stuff!"-AK
"I feel away!"-SE
"Help her."-SE
"It's one-way grass."-K
(Impersonating Steve Jobs) "What do I need at the store today? Flour, milk, and Pixar."-AK
"I have a Samsung phone. I'm going to be tarred and feathered."-AK
"I'm putting my ear plugs in but we can still make out for a while."-AK
"My vagina's imploding on itself."-AK
"A deer! Play dead!"-B
"I love...the world...of theater...and gay sex!"-SE
"I smell a penis from across the Bay. I need to go find it."-K
"Penis, can you hear me?"-SE
"If he's taking a shit, I'm gonna smack him in his face when he comes out!"-SE
"Ooh! Move your chair! It vibrates!"-AK

I leave on Friday for a weekend in Atlantic City with S. Get excited about, what is sure to be, another juicy post.