AI Finale

I must admit that I’m definitely not as invested in this season finale as I’ve previously been. The rumored line-up is amazing, don’t get me wrong (Cyndi Lauper, anyone?!?!), and I’m sure it will be a thoroughly entertaining show. I just don’t have a clear favorite, at this point. I think both Adam and Kris will do very well, both tonight and in whatever careers they end up having. Or maybe I’m just pretty sure that Adam’s win is inevitable, so I don’t think tonight will be that…thrilling. I’m hoping to laugh and cry, though, as I always do. I hope you all haven’t missed these recaps too much. I apologize for being gone for so long; it’s good to be back blogging the show again.

OK, I take it back. I just saw a commercial for the finale, and now I’m excited. Yeah, officially excited. Who am I kidding?

A record 624 million votes all season. People need to take up reading.

HA! For you, for me! Good for them for mocking Randy for his totally inane and obnoxious way of speaking. Ugh, sweetie, honey. Bleh. Kara, condescend much? I’m fully laughing out loud. Paula is totally secretly a genius. And Simon looks like he’d rather be anywhere else.

I’m sure I say this every year, but this is a totally ridiculous show. It’s struck me as even more ridiculous this year, not having watched all season.

Top 13 is starting us off, singing “So What.” Where’s Pink when you need her? Seriously. Last night’s FOX preview of Glee was better than this. Most talented group of singers ever, what?

I can’t wait for David Cook to put out his second and (what has to be) better album. Can you? He’s sounding good live though, and I can’t help but think that this must be about his brother, who recently succumbed to his decade-long battle with brain cancer. He was in the audience for Mariah Carey week, last year, remember?

Time to kill some time with Golden Idol Awards…I’m sure no one minds if I take this chance to tune out, put my dishes away, take a bathroom break, etc. See you back here in a few. Wait, did that guy just call Simon Sassypants? I’m obsessed. He might actually have some kind of future.

First duet of the night: Lil Rounds (that is her real name, btw; she’s named for her grandmother Lillian) and Queen Latifah. Jenny Craig is obviously working for Queen, but she should really not be wearing a black jumpsuit with tapered legs. It is not doing her any favors…These two do make a fierce duo though.

ANOOP!...And Alexis(?) and Jason Mraz, singing “I’m Yours”! That’s pretty exciting. Oh wait, everyone else is singing with them. I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to name all of the contestants, even if someone was holding a gun to my head. Tragic.

Kris is singing next with Keith Urban. His voice is so radio-ready, I must say. This is lovely and joyous; there’s something about Kris that is really infectious. I’m totally excited for him! (And Simon still looks like he’d rather be anywhere else.)

Now, the Top 13 ladies are singing “Glamorous.” Does anyone care? And it sounded a lot like more than five voices to me. (Has everyone seen (and heard) Fergie in the amazing trailer for Nine? It’s a must-see.) P.S. I totally thought the black and white clad dancers accompanying the Black Eyed Peas were the Top 13 boys for a second.

More Golden Idols. More of me tuning out. (Bikini girl is embarrassing, but the men onstage seem to be thoroughly…moved by her performance. Slash…good for Kara. And then she TOTALLY busted her dress open! HAHAHA! Or was that planned? Now, I’m confused.)

Where are Kris and Adam? I miss them terribly.

Allison Iraheta and Cyndi Lauper singing “Time After Time” = first tears of the night. Magical.

A time-killing check-in with the finalists’ parents. Did they separate them in the theatre because they feared a rumble?

Danny Gokey is now singing “Hello.” I like David Cook’s version better. And now, Danny’s singing a benign duet with Lionel Richie himself.

I’m bored. Only 50 minutes of time wasting left.

I must admit I’ve been waiting to hear Adam all night. I guess I do have a favorite. Or I just want to see what he ends up doing tonight. But what the fuck is he wearing? I just said that out loud. Jeebus creebus. He is taking the stage as if he’s already won, though. Oh, I get it. (Again, just said that out loud. In my living room. Completely alone.) He had to wear that get-up to keep up with KISS. How many of you think Adam actually ever listened to KISS growing up? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Is Santana just there for fun? Oh, he’s there so Matt Giraud and the others can sing with him. I should have known. I wonder when Idol will turn into a contemporary music show. Probably never. Carlos is an Adam fan, apparently. I bet it’s because he’s salsaing while he sings (and with Allison).

Yes, I’m sure neither contestant has ever watched a season of American Idol, and thus has absolutely no idea he will win a car by making it to the finale.

Steve Martin? Michael Sarver? Megan Joy? Who are these people? (Just kidding.) No, but seriously, who’s Michael Sarver? GASP! I just glimpsed a teleprompter feeding them the lyrics. Weak. It’s like seeing the magician’s mirrors. This is a train wreck. I’m bored again. 27 minutes to go.

HAHAHAHA! Top 13 boys singing and dancing to “Do You Think I’m Sexy.” And then Rod Stewart entering via the Lambert Lift. Sometimes this show is really not for the young people in America, but rather for their parents and grandparents. I forget that.

One final Golden Idol Award before the results. (Ruben Studdard, for one, is SHOCKED! That was actually pretty funny.)

Let’s get on with it!

A Queen duet. Of course. What did I expect? This show would not have been complete without one. Actually, this is pretty fun. Too bad Adam completely outsings Kris when given a QUEEN song, of all things. He’s like the next Freddie Mercury, for God’s sake.

OK, this has got to be the last commercial break. I hope you all heeded Ryan’s advice to record the show after the finale, if you were DVRing it tonight.

This is it! Simon just gave them props, genuinely (for once), for being brilliant and unusually nice people. I dig it.

After the nationwide vote of nearly 100 million, the winner of American Idol 2009 is KRIS ALLEN! HUGE UPSET! HUUUUUUUUGE UPSET! Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Shocked.

Now, I’m feeling all cynical. I guess this just means Adam will have more artistic freedom, which is probably best.

Oh, America. How you love an underdog! (And hate a sexually ambiguous musical theater kid who wears eyeliner and nail polish. Hrmph.)