Overheard at Work, vol. LXXI

I just got home, after a day that started with a 1 PM Yoga class, a 2-10 shift at work, and a couple drinks with coworkers.

Tonight, we held a Staff/Teen event to introduce some of the newest teens (our largest group and the fastest-growing) to the club. It started with an Amazing Race-type game and ended with activities including a big dance in the Dance Studio (pizza and snacks abounded).

It was SUPER FUN and allowed another moment for me to go...THIS is my job?

And, besides that, I am superstoked for a three-day weekend!

9-year-old boy, while listening to headphones that were playing nothing: I hear wire.

Same 9-year-old boy, referring to a teen's desire to go to a social engagement: He wants to go to a party and eat soup!

One of my 8-year-old buddies pointed out that he was wearing new shoes this week: black Chuck Taylors I was very excited because I have a similar pair of shoes, so we decided we'd wear our shoes together the following day. It was very exciting. The next day, however, he wore the Chuck Taylors again, while I wore All Stars from Converse that didn't look the same.
Me, to him: These are Converse too. Yours are just Chuck Taylors.
Him: What are those? Chicken nuggets?

Overheard at Work, vol. LXX

I just got home from the annual music showcase, which featured nearly 100 musicians from after-school programs around the city, including 15 of our kids.  We had eight kids, including a percussionist, two background singers, and a keyboardist, play "Forget You" by Cee-Lo. Then two rappers took the stage for the transition, and we ended with a 5-piece band playing "Sweet Child o'Mine" by Guns N Roses.

IT WAS AMAZING.

I can't even put to words how amazing it was.

I am so proud.

12-year-old, while playing a game of Apples to Apples: I don't like Snow White. Snow White is like the wackest princess ever.

Me, to an 11-year-old girl who seemed to be in a funk: What's wrong?
Her: I'm just depressed all of a sudden.
Me: Is it the program? Is it art? Is it school? Is it Mom?
Her: No. it's probably that stupid puberty thing.

Lateral lisp kid, raising his hand: Raise your hand if you've ever been Rick-Rolled!

Texts with My Bro: Another Week Begins...

C: Mondays are like Friday nights, except the opposite.

Me: I hate Mondays. I am Grumpelstiltskin.

C: Grumpunzel, Grumpunzel, let down your hair.

Me: Grumpilocks and the 3 Bears.

C: Grumpty Dumpty.

Me: Cinderella and her Fairy Grumpmother.

C: Grump Master Flash.

Me: Grump Shaker.

C: Correct. The Grump Cayman Islands, also the Grump Canyon.

Me: Oscar the Grouch! I WIN!

C: And Reebok Grumps.
Grump up the volume.

***9 hours later***
C: She had grumps like a truck truck truck.

Me: Hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

C: Right?
Right?

Me: You win.

C: Forrest Grump.

Me: Donald Grump and the Grump Tower.

C: Grump card.
Sitting like a grump on a log.
Grump up the jams.

Me: I WILL ALWAYS PLAY THE GRUMP CARD!

***The next day***
C: Tuesdays are OK.

Me: I hate Tuesdays.

Overheard at Work, vol. LXIX

This week, I woke up on Tuesday, sure it was Saturday. By Thursday night, I was barely staving off sickness. And after a full day of kids because they had a holiday on Good Friday, I am ready to crawl into my bed and go to sleep.

But first...

18-year-old boy, getting ready to flex for a photograph: My right arm is really like Rambo...it's like...a muscle inside a muscle.

8-year-old boy: Cool means Constipated Overweighted Out-of-style Loser.

Me, to an 8-year-old boy: You're so cute.
Boy: You're so weird.

13-year-old boy, when we told him he'd have to speak to our colleague about missing tutoring the previous day: OK. You know how much people like cake? Take that bar, flip it upside down, and add 5. That's how it is dealing with her.
Me: So your feelings about dealing with her are the OPPOSITE of how you feel about cake!

16-year-old girl, to me: So, why aren't you married?
Me: Because I'm not in a relationship.
Girl: Oh.

Me, to two tween girls who were sitting next to each other: What are you doing?
12-year-old girl: Texting each other.

Me, to a teenaged boy, wearing a Mets cap: Are you a Mets fan?
Boy: Nah, I just got it cuz it matched my sneakers.

Overheard at Work, vol. LXVIII

Super insane event crunchtime is definitely upon us.

This week was very odd; on top of a holiday on Monday, during which we were open all day, and a snow day on Tuesday, during which we were open 1/2 a day, plus preparation for our annual singing competition.

It also felt strangely long, and I am so glad it's over.

But our singing competition event went better than any in my history at the club, so I am super thrilled about that!

8-year-old boy: I'm gonna make a B sandwich.
Me: What's that?
Boy: A sandwich made of pieces of pancake and eggs.
(Sounds DELICIOUS!)

[During a game of Apples to Apples, when HIPPOPOTAMUS was entered for the word TALENTED.]
11-year-old boy: A hippopotamus isn't talented. That's just how it was born. It's not a talent. It's a characteristic.
(OK then.)

Colleague: Where did you hear Frank Ocean got shot in the leg yesterday?
12-year-old boy: Cartoon Network!

8-year-old boy, frustrated with his homework: I can't even smell myself think anymore!

8-year-old boy, while screaming on the stairs to no one in particular: I was actually voted Most Annoying in my house!
(Accurate.)

Overheard at Work, vol. LXVII

Remember that time I mentioned spring last week and then over a foot of snow fell today?

Yeah.

Me, referring to my colleague's varied musical taste (her car radio is set to opera and hip-hop): She just showed her Gemini.
Colleague B: Her vagina??

Me, to an 18-year-old boy: You know why girls want to date you?
Boy: Because I'm sexy.

16-year-old, as he gathered supplies, including lined paper: I thought that was zero ox paper.
Me: You mean Xerox?

I don't know who invented it, but there's this ongoing game of putting your fingers together and making people glance at your fist that is an ongoing gag at work. The following is an exchange regarding that stupid game, when I tried desperately to win it.
Colleague C: It doesn't work if you just shove it in someone's face.
Me: That's what she said.

Colleague D and I are discussing a well-known TV show. Colleague E doesn't know what we're talking about.
Colleague E: I don't really watch TV.
Colleague D: THAT'S WHY! You're a Mormon!

10-year-old girl, discussing her hair routine: I have expensive taste!

Colleague F, a 22-year-old man, talking to an 8-year-old boy: It's OK to cry. I cry when I watch my soap operas.

12-year-old boy: Somebody called you an owl.
Me: Somebody called me an owl?
Boy: Yeah.
Me: Why?
Boy: Somebody called you an owl.
Me: WHY?
Boy: No! Somebody called you an owl!
Me: WHY?
Boy: NO! You're supposed to say WHO!

Overheard at Work, vol. LXVI

We made it through February!

But March is really long.

And it sort of feels like the sun hasn't been out in months.

But spring is definitely coming. Right?

Me to an 11-year-old girl: You're like...a woman. It's so weird.
Girl: I don't want to be a woman. Women...scare me.

Me: Being a woman is alright.
Girl: HAHA! You're not a woman! My mom's a woman!
Me: I could be your mom!
Girl: You could be my mom. But that would look weird.
(She's Haitian.)

Me, to a teenaged boy: Are you OK?
Boy: I'm fine. I just haven't had any chicken today. You know how Spanish people eat chicken.

Colleague, nearing the end of our day, when we had dinner plans: I want to teleport to Somerville.
Me: I want to teleport to having wine in my system.