Overheard at Work, vol. LXXXIII

Well, fall isn't kicking my ass yet. Next week's going to be a bit of a doozy, and there are a lot of things in motion at work, so I'm still sort of expecting the shit to hit the fan at some point soon.

In the meantime,

Me, to a 14 year old boy: You don't have a shirt on!
Boy: WHY?

10 year old girl, reading from the cover of a magazine: "How to Spot and Drop a Gold Digger"
Me: Do you know what a gold digger is?
Girl: *motions picking her nose*

7 year old boy: Guess what! I'm in first grade!
Me: What are you doing in first grade right now?
Boy: Um. We have to be quiet. And do math.

Me, to my colleague, as I locked up the building: What did I forget?
Colleague A: The pool.
Me: Yes! Thank God you reminded me!
Colleague A: Yeah. Otherwise someone might sneak in and steal our pool.

Colleague B: What would your superpower be?
Colleague C: Probably being able to execute the robot dance flawlessly.

9 year old girl, to me: Are you married?
Me: No.
Girl: Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: No.
Girl: You're single?
Me: I'm single.
Girl: You don't want a boyfriend?
Me: No, I do.
Girl: So get a boyfriend!
Me: YOU get a boyfriend!
Girl: I have one. I'm married.

Overheard at Work, vol. LXXXII

We all got through our first week back with the kids, though this week was Open House, so we had shorter programming hours. Next week is our first full programming week, and I hope it doesn't make me feel like I got hit by a train.

Colleague A, remembering being in a hot tub at our staff retreat: I feel like I'm going on myself and it feels so nice.

Colleague B, discussing milkshakes, but also life: If I'm going to do it, I wanna regret it.

14-year-old girl, having a particularly bad day: I wanna be a Teletubby so bad. They always smile.

10-year-old girl, taking a game of Musical Chairs VERY seriously: Two boys, two girls. We have to win it for MOTHER RUSSIA!

15-year-old girl: 3:40, it gets CRAZY! That's when the delinquents come!
Me: Delinquents? That's rude!
Girl: At least I used a big word!

To My Cousin's Daughter, on Her 3rd Birthday

Dear E.W.E.,

How are you already 3?

Well, perhaps a better question is, how are you 3 years old with the mind and soul of a much older person?

Sometimes you sass your mama with such attitude, I know exactly what you’ll be like when you’re 16. Or you ask a question with such wisdom and depth, I could swear you’re 50.

Or maybe that you lived a very full and adventurous past life, and now you’ve returned to this world as a hilarious, strong, imaginative child.

A child who, I have no doubts, will change the world.

Simply, you are extraordinary.

You are good at everything you try, whether it be your letters or your speech or your throwing and catching or drumming or charming people or twirling or dancing or jumping.

I am in awe of you.

Your strength of will, your intensity, your confidence in who you are, and your astounding empathy.

I have never met a child so genuinely curious.

You ask, “Mama, what’s YOUR favorite color? Pretzel, what’s YOUR favorite fruit?”

You say “NO” with such conviction, we all stand back.

You tell stories like you have so many coiled up inside you, you’ll never run out of words to share with us.

You want everyone to watch you hop. Or jump. Or dive. Or swim.

And, so we watch.

Riveted.

What will you do next?

I can’t wait to see.

Go, E.W.E.

GO!

I love you. Happy birthday.

Love,

Annie Pretzel