I am a Pop Culture Genius, vol. XVII: a Very Special Music Video Edition

For your information, this is all Netflix's fault.

I discovered that Felicity is on Instant Watch.

This is a show that I wasn't only devoted to while it was actually airing (it was really a one-two punch with Dawson's Creek) but that I became obsessed with again during the summer before I moved to New York, when S and I would watch it at her parents' house every afternoon.

So, yesterday, I watched a couple episodes, and then did some research on Keri Russell.

Turns out, she was in the Bon Jovi music video for their song "Always," which was a little factoid I did not recall.

Let's investigate.



Wait.

What?

I do not remember that video being like that at all.

Keri Russell, Carla Gugino, that guy with the feminine jawline and broken nose, AND Colin from 90210??

So, let me get this straight.

The video opens in Mexico(?) where Girly Jawline is mooning over a photo. He fondly remembers taking dirty pictures and videos of his GF Carla Gugino, which her roommate, Felicity, discovers. Then, he makes bedroom eyes at FELICITY and Carla discovers them making their own homemade porn. (And, you KNOW that Felicity is wearing a green push-up bra because that girl's boobies are TINY in real life.)

Carla is discovered, crying, in an alley by Colin, who whisks her away to his artist's loft and paints her shirtless.

But the painting only makes Carla miss Girly Jawline, so she CALLS him and invites him over to Colin's house, shows him the painting of her, and he throws audio-visual equipment around and stabs the painting to shreds, at which point, Carla is DUNZO!

She exits, crying, in her red lacy nighty and black bra.

And Girly Jawline BLOWS UP THE JOINT and is deported to Mexico?

But, wait! Is Carla THERE?

Alas, no, it is just Girly Jawline's fantasy.

Meanwhile, Jon Bon Jovi sings his little heart out showing off some SERIOUS heavage.

I bet all those actors are mortified that this exists (except for the jawline guy and Colin--they haven't been doing much of note lately), but I think it exemplifies precisely everything that is important to understand about 1994.