Um. Yeah, So That Happened.

We should all come to terms with the fact that this will be an odd, weepy post.

I traveled to and from Raleigh, North Carolina and slept about 10 hours in the last 30. I am tired and anticipate the task of staying up to watch the Oscars telecast to be difficult this year.

This means, I’ll probably cry every few minutes.

Shit, I saw a clip of Kate Winslet’s acceptance speech in a promo for the Oscars on the plane and could hardly contain my sobs.

Last year, I got teary twelve times. Let’s see if we can top that.

And Franco and Hathaway, y’all better bring it. And by that, I mean that Anne Hathaway has to somehow convince me that she is NOT, in fact, totally overexposed these days. And she better not sing too much.

(Frankly, I’m not confident either of these will occur.)

Without further ado, some highlights and lowlights of the night, IMHO.

Classiest Pre-Show Moment:
Mark Wahlberg giving his costars and colleagues in The Fighter their due credit. What a guy!

Best Pre-Show Red Carpet Moment(s):
Natalie Portman, a vision in that incredible purple, actually made me teary. And, damn, Justin Timberlake looks good in a tux.
Hailee Steinfeld might be my best dressed of the night, though. Marisa Tomei is up there too.

Best Host Moment(s):
Franco: “You’re looking very beautiful and hip.”
Hathaway: “Thank you! You look very appealing to a younger demographic as well.”
Franco, dressed as Marilyn Monroe, saying he’d gotten a text from Charlie Sheen. BURN!
“Winter’s Bone. Rabbit Hole…How to Train Your Dragon; that’s disgusting.”

Worst Host Moment(s):
Annie, honey, remember you’re miked. No hollering at your actor friends.
Also, girl’s got fake-itude. As in, she comes across as totally disingenuous.
The bags under Franco’s eyes. That man needs a vacation.
No, really. Stop hollering.

Best Presenter Moment(s):
Kirk Douglas keeping the Supporting Actress nominees on their toes.
Justin Timberlake announcing he is Banksy.
Russell Brand and Helen Mirren. Favorites.
Cate Blanchett: “That’s gross.”
Billy Crystal. I missed him tonight, frankly. BRING. BILLY. BACK.
I love Sandra Bullock: “Javier. Hola…Jeff! Dude!”

Least Surprising Moment(s):
Aaron Sorkin winning for Adapted Screenplay of The Social Network (and what a classy, eloquent speech!)
All of the sound/effects awards Inception won.
Colin Firth as Best Actor in The King’s Speech.

Least Likely to Have Been Predicted in 1994:
Trent Reznor, winning for Best Score of The Social Network.

Most Surprising Moment(s):
No applause during the In Memoriam montage. It did always seem like a popularity contest.
Tom Hooper (The King’s Speech) winning over David Fincher (The Social Network) for Best Director.

Best Speech(es):
David Seidler, the 74-year-old winner of the Oscar for Best Original Screenplay of The King's Speech: “My father always said I would be a late bloomer.”
Academy Award winner Christian Bale(!) of The Fighter shouting out Dicky Eklund’s website. And then choking up for his wife and daughter. We knew you could do it back when you were just a Newsie.
Tom Hooper: “The moral of the story is…listen to your mother.”
Natalie Portman, winning Best Actress for Black Swan, is the most incredibly eloquent young woman. I am seriously honored to be in the same generation as her. Oof.

These are the moments that made me teary: Pretty much any time any actors watched their clips and then reacted like they couldn’t believe they where they were (probably upwards of 6); Kirk Douglas’s standing ovation; David Seidler’s shout-out to stutterers; the Score medley; ummm, Zachary Levi and Mandy Moore singing (shhhh); the commercials for Secret Millionaires (all of them); Kathryn Bigelow’s appearance (don’t ask me why; I’m tired); the clip of Francis Ford Coppola saying he was proud of “the generation that did so much”; anything Natalie Portman did or said; the finale (duh). That’s a whopping 15.

Overall? Zzzzzzzz.

Goodnight!

Overheard at Work, vol. VIII

"I poo! I pee!"--lateral lisp kid, making some serious announcements.

"Why did the chicken die in the frying pan?"--mostly, I was amused because the girl telling this joke was singing it woefully.

"Behave, please!"--Art Teacher
"Shut up!"--12-year-old, clearly heeding his words.

"If a skeleton needs a drink, what do you need?...A mop!"--a 9-year-old's pretty clever joke, IMHO.

"I eat cookies and milk every night before bed."--the teen coordinator's confession to the office. Enlightening.

Colleague #1: Can I jump on that computer real fast?
Colleague #2: (in jest) No!
#1: Whatever, cuz I'm gonna do it anyway.

"It looks like I jizzed myself!"--a 12-year-old's description of himself after walking to the club in the rain. I was totally shocked and called him out on it, when he asserted he had meant the synonym for "peed." Sigh.

"It was in my way!"--a 14-year-old's assertion of why he tends to knock things over.

"Tommy! Play the drums!"--an 8-year-old, banned from the music room because he's too young, standing just outside it, directing his older brother to use the room to its fullest. Funniest thing I'd seen all week.

Just So's You Know

I'll be traveling to Chapel Hill, North Carolina for the weekend, primarily to see my friend Jeff play Louis in Angels in America(!).

I'm leaving straight from work on Friday and getting home Sunday afternoon, when I will throw my clothes in the laundry, wait for groceries for the week to arrive, and write my Overheard post.

Also, expect my impressions of the Oscars that night.

I'm fighting some nasty strain of kid-spread disease, so I'm sure I'll be pretty exhausted when I get home, but you'll hear from me then, regardless.

I'll try to type through the snot I will inevitably be dripping on my keyboard.

You Know What's Hard? Dating.

I got an email from someone on [the site that rhymes with Schmoe Schmay Schmupid] early last week, saying that there was a good chance we'd get along and asking if I wanted to get a drink that week.

In the interest of pursuing one of my New Year's resolutions, I decided to be a little impulsive, checked out his profile, asserting that our profiles actually looked an awful lot alike, and told him my schedule.

(My previous MO on this site has been to email until the spark between us fizzles, before we even meet. I thought I'd try something new.)

I had a very full week, as they all are these days, and found out late in the week that I'd have a late day on Friday. Changed plans with the (very flexible) aforementioned date and, eventually, found myself waiting for a train at 8:30 on a Friday night in the hurricane that had spontaneously hit Boston.

Then, the B line only took me four stops because of a previous accident, and I ended up stranded in Packard's Corner, talking to the guy on the phone, and trying to figure out where the hell I was and how I was going to get downtown.

The wind broke my umbrella, and I sloshed through melted snow to hail a cab.

The first one I flagged down pulled over, and my Jamaican cabbie asked me what I was up to that night. What I drank. Whiskey? When I needed to be picked up. And told me I was beautiful about four times.

I figured the evening had taken a turn for the better and went into the bar frazzled but optimistic, which didn't change when I sat down, told the dude the tale of my journey and ordered a glass of white wine.

Still, first dates are awkward, especially in circumstances like ours.

I tried to have a sense of humor about the whole thing but could sense I wasn't making the best first impression.

However, I left the date having made the decision that I liked him enough to want to hang out again, told him to call me and was home by 11 PM.

(His story was that he had plans to see his friends' band and had to leave my 1030. Likely.)

I woke up yesterday and, again, unlike me, emailed him to apologize for my frazzledness and to assert that I would totally hang out again.

He emailed me mere hours later to tell me that, in the interest of being straightforward, he didn't feel a connection strong enough to warrant another meeting...

I know at some point I'll appreciate his candor.

But, in the moment, it stung.

I've talked to a lot of my friends about my foray into online dating.

Most of the ones who know me the best don't think it's a good idea.

They think I'm looking for something more serious than this site will provide.

I even write in my online profile that online dating makes me a little uneasy.

Maybe I just need an attitude adjustment.

But, these guys should take the time to get to know me before they decide they don't like me!

I'd be totally fine with that.

Overheard at Work, vol. VII

Kid with lateral lisp, during a theatre game, where he was playing "confused": I don't get it.
Me: What don't you get?
Kid (thinking off the top of his head, and admirably, at that): Why do people wear socks on V Day?

"He's a cute little Guinea!"--our Director of Support Services, being a (slightly racist) old-town girl about the man who shovels our parking lot. He's Italian.

"Men are better."--the Music Coordinator, assuring a teen that he need not worry about getting into a relationship. And, no, he's not gay.

Drummer Kid: I'm starvin' Marvin.
Music Coordinator: Are you also single and ready to mingle?
Kid: Yeah.
MC: Do you find yourself in a perpetual state of singlehood?
Me: What's wrong with that? I find myself in a perpetual state of singlehood.
MC: No, that's the way to go. Why would you bring chicken to the buffet?

"I know how to make decisions! Chicken or fried rice?! Chicken!"--an 11-year-old, asserting her ability to vote.

"Don't go crazy this weekend! You look like you go crazy on the weekends."--the Fitness Program Assistant, giving me advice, as I left tonight. I thought it was the funniest thing.

Little does he know I'll spend tomorrow in my bed, watching Bones on Netflix and doing my laundry.

To the Dark Side...

When I was in college, I spent one very scary night walking from Rockridge BART station in Oakland in the exact opposite direction of the Berkeley campus.

I was with my friend Bonnie and, ultimately, we had the wherewithal to jump in a cab and have him take us safely back to our dorms.

It was 2001, and the only cellphone I'd ever seen was about the size of a small clutch and had a huge, plastic antenna. My family kept it plugged into a wall socket at home, unless we were in the car.

After the night of walking through Oakland, I decided getting a cellphone was probably a good idea.

My first cell phone had a bright green screen and black text. It was far heavier than it needed to be, and I kept it off when I wasn't home, insistent that phone etiquette meant I didn't answer it unless I was available. I would only use it for emergencies.

I am pretty technologically easy to please.

I'm not a gadget-centric person.

When I got a cell phone with a colored background, I was thrilled. When I finally got one that flipped open, I thought I'd made it. Next was getting a phone with a camera (this was only a couple years ago).

Finally, this year I upgraded to a phone with a full keyboard.

But again, I decided I didn't want the data plan, just the texting capabilities. T9 had gotten cumbersome and annoying.

Why would I need to be connected 24/7? I'm too available as it is, what with succumbing to Facebook (also only a couple years ago) and my blog, I'm pretty exposed and visible.

Then, I got a job that is more then 50 minutes away, by commute, either on two buses, a train and a bus, or two trains.

Last Friday, it took me 93 minutes to get to work. And 103 minutes to get home, on a Friday night, after a very long week. I waited for a bus for 40 minutes...

I can justify the extra $15 a month for the data plan I just signed up for in minutes sliced off my commute.

I'm sure it will totally be worth it.

But the ability to update my Facebook status by text message is just an added bonus.

(What have I become?)

Overheard at Work, vol. VI

First full week of work since I started, I think = lots of quotes.

"She needs Jesus."--my coworker's word vomit about a teen.

"Farts Director."--a volunteer/donor's suggestion of my title, assuming I'd heard it before. Surprisingly, I hadn't.

"He's on acid. He probably thought it was a demon and didn't answer."--a teen's justification for why the work study candidate hadn't answered the music coordinator's call saying he'd been hired to teach drums. Apparently, there are lots of pictures on the internet of him in a dashiki.

"How about that? I want that."--a 10-year-old, who had received a $25 gift card to Amazon who was told that she could order anything she wanted. She tasted my trail mix from Trader Joe's and promptly wanted to buy some for herself.

"My claps are too thunderous."--a teen's justification for why he couldn't hear the metronome while working on a rhythm exercise.

"When you pick your butt, do you do it in public?"--a 10-year-old girl, who also wondered aloud, "Is it normal for a 10-year-old to have hair under her armpits?"
Ah, youth!

"I'm dead cereal!"--a 9-year-old girl's exclamation, making a joke she didn't realize she was making.

Me: Did you do your homework?
Kid with lateral lisp: Yep.
Me: How did that go?
Kid: (world-weary sigh) Not so great.

"My birthday's coming in three months! I expect a present!"--an 8-year-old boy's exclamation as he left the office. I love kids' concepts of time.

"When you are here with me, I fell the hugs and kisses from you. Happ Happy Valinteis Day."--my first Valentine of the year, given to me by a hilarious 8-year-old. I told my coworker who told me I shouldn't tell anyone in Child Services.

"You look like a mom!"--a tween's assessment of me. I figured it's because of the glasses.

But maybe it's the wrinkles and gray hair.

Overheard at Work, vol. V

I have to preface this post by apologizing for its brevity. Sometimes my job is so intense and the days go by so fast and I talk to so many kids that I don't actually remember anything they said.

That is, nothing stands out.

On top of that, this was ANOTHER terrible week of weather with us having a short day Tuesday and a snow day Wednesday.

AND, it took me one hour and fifty minutes to get home tonight, so I am fried.

"Show the giant pencil to [the music teacher]. For some reason, I think he would appreciate it!"--me
"I know! His hands are huge! He could hold it and it'd be a normal pencil!"--10-year-old girl

"Sportsmanship!"--the 13-year-old's defense for swatting his friend on the butt.

"Are you OK? Are you traumatized?"--the music teacher's hilarious and inadequate response to the swat-ee's state.

"I just don't understand!"--9-year-old's lament.
"What?"--me
"Everything!"

"Kick his butt! Kick his butt!"--my demand to an 11-year-old boy's beating a volunteer in the drum-off they were going to have.
"I'll go easy."--his super-confident and perfect response

If I Were a Betting Woman, I Would Have Lost

You may remember that in 1998, a little show called Dawson's Creek premiered.

I was 15, the prime age for this show about smart, articulate, neurotic teens to totally sweep me away.

To be honest, I didn't get into it until mid-first season, but I was HOOKED and would meet my friend Liza the day after the show was on to watch the VHS she and her mom had made, so we could rewind and swoon to our hearts' delight.

People in my life understand that Pacey Witter is STILL my dream man.

I must admit that I haven't seen every single episode.

In 2001, I started college and tried to continue my religious following but school took over, as it should.

Still, my friend Bonnie and I would make special "Dawson's" dates, and I'll never forget watching the series finale, crying my eyes out when Grams told Jen she'd "see her soon."

Ugh.

Plus, dude, Pacey and Joey were so meant to be.

After Dawson's Creek ended, I would have bet that Katie Holmes and James Van Der Beek were going to explode.

That football classic Varsity Blues came out and suddenly, with his lower voice and brown hair, I thought Van Der Beek was hot and charismatic.

Maybe he was a better actor than I had realized while watching him whine and cry and bemoan his lack of charm with the ladies on the Creek.

Katie Holmes was in Go, basically playing Joey Potter except on a 24-hour madcap adventure through drugs and Timothy Olyphant.

My darling Joshua Jackson sort of fell off the planet.

And THEN, Michelle Williams, who had always been my least favorite, playing Jen with a scrunched up face and precociousness I found off-putting, appeared in Brokeback Mountain.

And showed up at the Academy Awards, where she'd been nominated, like this:

Win. On so many levels.

I remember, around this time, realizing that Holmes and Williams were suddenly SUPER famous, what with their famous spouses, and that the guys from the Creek had been lost in obscurity.

I was surprised.

What was the world without Dawson and Pacey?

So, here's how I rank them today, from most to least relevant, almost 13 (gulp) years after the premiere of a show that will always have a place in my heart (P+J 4eva).

1.
With another Academy Award nomination under her belt for her INCREDIBLE performance in Blue Valentine, Williams is still winning. I mean, that's Ryan Gosling. So yeah, no contest.

2.
I love him so much. In fact, I watch Fringe because I love him so much. It's also a good show, but I wouldn't haven't started watching if my boyfriend wasn't on it.

3. James Van Der Beek
Two months ago, I would have put him last, but these videos are hilarious, and it shows that he has a sense of humor about himself and his lack of acting skills. Plus, his wife just had a baby, so that's pretty exciting.

4.
A poor showing by a once-promising Holmes, who gets the distinction of being Mrs. Tom Cruise, but hey, at least her new miniseries The Kennedys will be out soon. On that distinguished network, ReelzChannel.

Wait.

Um. Yes, please.

I think this is a dream come true that I didn't even know I had.

You know it's something exciting when it's called "Interpretive Dance."

How do I get on?