I don’t remember how,
but at some point in the recent past, I acquired a Lululemon bag. One of those red
and white ones with text all over it. I pack my lunch and dinner in it every
day before work.
One of the sentences on
it is that pervasive quote by Eleanor Roosevelt:
"Do one thing a day that
scares you."
I’m bad at this.
I like to stay squarely
in my comfort zone and have a hard time doing new things.
And yet.
My job is kinda scary.
I work with the kind of
kids that people avoid on the street. Because they’re loud or aggressive and
seemingly have nowhere to go. They gather in groups and take up a lot of space
and have the hard exteriors of kids who are growing up in a city.
But they come to where
I work, to be in a band or a play or to get a job or play basketball. To feel
safe and part of a community and to be seen and heard and included.
At work, I walk into large
groups of tall young men every day and tell them all to take their hats off and find a
program area to go to.
That used to scare me.
But only a little.
I am sometimes in
charge of the whole three-story building, staff members looking to me for
directions on what to do next. I shuffle everyone out, make sure they’re all
getting home safe, and arm the door at the end of the night.
When I think about that
too much, it scares me.
So I don’t.
Yesterday, one of my
mentees, a 15 year old whom I’ve known since she was 12, got into a terrible
confrontation with a teacher at her school.
So this morning, I
showed up at her suspension hearing.
I have never been to
one of those before. And I didn’t know what to expect.
And I sat with the
school facilitator and with my mentee’s mom and with my mentee while I heard
the whole story and she cried and shook and swore. I put my hand on her knee
and trusted my instincts and my skills to calm her down, and I made her promise
to follow through with a short-term plan, and I urged her to thank the
administrator and I asserted to her that she had an army of people who
supported her, and when she calmed down and even laughed as we ended the
meeting, and when she showed up at work to practice piano and we chatted and
laughed about when we first met, I hoped and wished that my words and support
had poked through her steely, defensive façade.
It was kind of a scary
day.
The amazing thing was, I
wasn’t scared.