A Litany of Insecurities This Outbreak Hath Wrought

1. My hair is so gray!

I used to dye my hair to rebel. It was the one thing my mom OK'd when I was in middle school, and when she told me it was OK to dye my hair, I went a little further than I imagined she was comfortable with: bright red, blonde, pink! At about 20, I stopped. And then, at 25, started again because, dude, there were so many grays. Before the Incident That Shall Not Be Named last week, I was planning on cutting and dyeing it (many months overdue) with several days to go before the big wedding in August, to let the hair shock subside. Now, almost a week later, I have been forced to stare at my locks in dismay and realize, if I stop dyeing my hair now, my whole head will be dark brown with a large side of gray.

2. I feel like an oily adolescent.

Full disclosure, I have oily skin and hair to begin with. I'm one of those, if I don't wash my hair within two to three days, it looks like I've been sweating, or that I've just stepped out of a brief rainshower. Except grosser. The women who treated me recommended that EVERYONE only wash their hair about twice a week. I feel like I would have to do some serious updo research before being able to do that without looking like I'm just dirty.

On top of that, part of my aftercare treatment is oiling my scalp (to suffocate any microscopic eggs (gag!)) and, because of my schedule, I've been showering, shampooing, conditioning, and oiling every night, which means a good 24 hours of an oily scalp on an already oily scalp. (Not to mention that, even though my scalp is still sore, I'm pulling my hair back to sleep at night because the oil from my hair will make my back break out.)

It has taken me four days of this to perfect the oily-scalp hairdo: tight bun with a clip to hold the bangs back. Otherwise, by the time I get to work, I'm already feeling hideous. And then, of course, I work with brutally honest kids who ask me questions like, "Why is your hair wet?" as I walk in the door.

Sigh.

3. I am not as over my obsessive compulsive disorder as I might have liked.

Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesdays nights, I barely slept. I could not turn my brain off: how much laundry did I have to do? What had my hair touched? Which things did I have to boil versus dry? How many staff shirts do I have that aren't contaminated? When can I put the laundry I've hung to dry back in my drawers? When can I start using my hamper again? When can I use the dryer? What time do I need to get home to have time to do all of this? How long will my shower routine take me?

Happy to have tomorrow completely off, even though I still have probably three loads of laundry and my hair routine to perform.

I'll be done with aftercare on Thursday.

Maybe then, I'll feel like myself again.