Overheard at Work, vol. CXXIV (the Final Volume)

On Thursday, September 24, I left my work after almost five years. This is the final installment of quotes from that amazing place--a place where a part of me will always live. I can't wait to see what my colleagues and all those wonderful kids do next.

Colleague A: Yo, you ever just loved salad?

8 year old boy, to me: I'm gonna try to play guitar now so I can ignore you.

Same 8 year old boy, as I raised my arm to point at him: Ew! Pits!

Me: Is 2003 the year you were born? I'm so old!
12 year old boy: You are old. You're from like 1874.

2nd grade boy, at his first visit: Nice place ya got here!

15 year old boy, talking about my departure: I don't cry but...I get achey.

12 year old boy: When you leave, can I have your wallet?

14 year old girl, to me: Did you guys party? I have the heart of a 21 year old.

12 year old boy: Why are you leaving? You've been here for like 700 years. How much money do you have?

Overheard at Work, vol. CXXIII

Summer 2015 programming ended today, in a flourish of team games, whipped cream, and friendship bracelets. It was the fastest and most grueling summer in my history there, and I am both shocked and relieved that it's over.

Me, to 7 year old boy: What was the best part of your day?
Boy: Going to the bathroom.
Me: Did you poop?
Boy: No, the best part of my day was...licking a toilet.

12 year old girl, answering "Who would play you in the movie of your life"?: Amy Schumer, Kevin Hart, or Ice Cube.

13 year old girl, to me: Did you hear that I was looking for you? It was all over the news!

7 year old girl: Everyone's hair looks nice. But some people's hair smells bad but I don't say anything about it.

Me, calling out trivia questions: What is a female adult horse called?
15 year old boy: Horsette.

Overheard at Work, vol. CXXII

I cannot discern one day from the next, and mostly, I'm just glad that it's Friday and that means I can drink ALL THE WINE.

Colleague A: *makes disgusted face* That's how you say "No" in sign language.

Colleague B: I'm eating this pizza, thinking about my life choices and wondering why I didn't wake up early to make stuffed chicken!

9 year old girl: Were you in Annie?
Me: Yes, when I was in 6th grade!
7 year old girl: Were you in the white one?

8 year old girl: She has gray hair!
7 year old girl: Oh my God, you have gray hair! What are you doing to yourself?!

12 year old boy: Annie!...Annie!...I forgot...I'll tell you later...OH! Annie! Can I have my phone?

14 year old boy, opening my snacks: I had to use my chest muscles to open this.

8 year old girl, describing the clue, "Dinosaurs": They were extinct. Like 300 years ago!

Overheard at Work, vol. CXXI

What can I tell you?

Days are long. Kids are hilarious.

Colleague A, regarding his crowded program space: I feel like I'm in the womb. With 125 siblings.

Colleague B, to me: All of my friends have seen your Dubsmashes. I have three friends.

Me, to a room of young teens: I'm running to the restroom. Don't kill each other.
13 year old girl: No promises.

13 year old girl, in an exercise where she was creating a life timeline: I'm gonna get divorced at 56.

Colleague C: I love cotton candy. It's like eating a cloud.

Me, to a 7 year old girl missing her two front teeth: You lost some teeth?
Girl: They're coming in September.
Me: You ordered them online?

9 year old boy: I can sniff better than any dog.

Colleague B: I'm bringing [Colleague D] a bagel...she's Jewish.

Me, to an 11 year old boy jumping around the room: You'll crack your face open!
Boy: I need a new face!

7 year old girl, reading "Rule #1": Rule hashtag 1.

Overheard at Work (and in Vermont), vol. CXX

Oh heavens, so it's July.

June zoomed by in a flurry of special events, final presentations, a birthday celebration, and a graduate school reunion weekend that basically consisted of my three very good friends and me drinking for about 50 hours straight. Also some high belting and lots of laughing.

I have just survived my first week of my fifth summer at work, and I've compiled quotes from the last month or so, so we here we go!

Colleague A: It is warm enough. I can use my boomerang.

14 year old, creating the tagline for my impending birthday: 32 sexy for you!

Me, to an 8 year old boy soaked from the sprinklers: Do you have water in your ear?
Boy: I have water everywhere, I think.

Me, to my 23 year old colleague, who swiftly identified "Crossroads" by Bone Thugs n Harmony: Why do you know this song?
Colleague B: Because my dad's a thug.

Me, reflecting on my job: I feel like after this, I could run the fucking Pentagon.

7 year old boy: In three years, on November 1, I'm gonna be 8!

7 year old girl: I don't follow the rules. I don't play games. I just watch Netflix.

12 year old girl: How do you spell Impressionism?

And here are the collected quotes from my weekend of drunkenness, spent with wonderful old friends in Vermont, in celebration of our graduation from graduate school five years ago. They will likely not amuse any but ourselves.

SN: Hashtag, I was never a west.

PM, shrieking at a bug: Nature got a little too close!

SN, as we discussed dipping into the pond: Guys! I'm gonna get an infection!

Me: What's in the middle of the country?
SN: Laura Kraybill.

MW: Vagina: the city that never sleeps!

PM: All these cabinets smell like cheese.

SN: No offense, you're my best friend!

Emerson College, class of 2010 FOREVER!

Overheard at Work, vol. CXIX

It's been another weird month. Not overwhelmingly busy but broken up by a week in Los Angeles with family and overridden with special events and prep for summer which is only two work weeks away!

8 year old boy: I'm done with homework!
Me: Where are you going now?
Boy: Australia.

10 year old boy: We have a lot of energy!
9 year old boy: STEROIDS!

10 year old girl: You went to California? Did you meet cowboy people?

18 year old girl, to her fellow (male) basketball players: Your feet don't have to stink to play ball!

Me, to a 9 year old girl: When are you going to be President?
Girl: When I'm 32.

Me, to colleague: I was definitely about to punch you in the mouth.
Colleague: You would have definitely broken your hand forever.

Teen boy: Guess whose birthday is on Sunday.
Me: Yours.
Boy: The artist, formerly known as Prince.

Overheard at Work, vol. CXVIII

I lost a month of blogging to heavy special event prep--our annual fundraiser was last Saturday! And, though we did raise a record $115,000 that night, it was an insane amount of work and led to a gap in blogging, not to mention sleeping, eating regularly, and relaxing, in general.

Me, to a 14 year old girl: Your friends are in that room.
Girl: I have friends?

Alumna, to me: Your lips look like you took the Kylie Jenner lip challenge.

8 year old girl: I want to be the President! Or a doctor.

14 year old boy, to me: Waddup sexy slim?

Me, to a teen boy: Why are you fancy?
Boy: Because it's Tuesday.
Me: It's Wednesday.

Colleague, to me: You look good. Are you ovulating?

Overheard at Work, vol. CXVII

Made it through a very long March and the weather is even turning. I walked outside today with NO JACKET!

Me, to newest colleague: Do you not know all the staff?!
Colleague A: I still can't find the bathroom!

Colleague B, regarding cats: They are cold-blooded killing machines.
Colleague C: And they're fluffy.

Me, to teenage boy on the phone: Was that your mother?
Teenage boy: It was YOUR mother.

Colleague D: I feel so weird today. Weird head space, negative energy...
Me: Your aura is gray?
Colleague D: My aura is gray...Cloudy with a chance of meatballs.

Group of boys: ...sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes baby...

Wait, that's not right.

Overheard at Work, vol. CXVI

Happy Spring! (It's snowing.)

Super tough week over. Another big one next week.

It was one of those weeks when I wasn't sure what day it was, I was just kind of putt-putting along...On Tuesday, I couldn't believe it wasn't at LEAST Wednesday.

8-year-old boy: I'm not Mexican. But I do love tacos!

Colleague A, during a Jeopardy round for the kids: Who invented Facebook?
6-year-old boy: The Internet!

13-year-old girl, inspecting my mac and cheese with tuna: Is that tuna? My mom makes it the exact same way. That's that Haitian in you!

14-year-old boy: I remember Tom Sawyer from Everybody Loves Raymond!

(Our nation's future, ladies and gentlemen.)

Overheard at Work, vol. CXV

Trudging along.

Spring is near.

16-year-old boy, upon viewing my Tempting Trail Mix from Trader Joe's, which has pictures of cherubs on the bag: You're eating demon nuts!!

Me: Where have you been?
7-year-old boy: Oh! I can't because I got beat upped.

Me: What if I just took a bite out of your head?
9-year-old boy: It would taste bad.
Me: What do you think it would taste like?
Boy: Doo doo.

Colleague A: I want a cookie.
Me: Do I want my pizza or my sandwich for lunch?
Colleague A: Um. You want a cookie.

15-year-old boy, upon seeing that I follow Ludacris on Instagram: That's crazy. You follow Ludacris and you don't follow me?
Me: Ludacris is a grown man who has been around for like 20 years.
Boy: I've been rapping since 6 months! I came out saying, Yo yo!

13-year-old girl, giggling at something I didn't catch: I'm not laughing! It's the hormones!

Overheard at Work, vol. CXIV

February vacation week and this past week both went smoothly, with no weather interruptions beyond a late start one day because of the cold.

I'm just counting down to Daylight Savings Time, now that I realized it's NEXT WEEKEND!

15-year-old boy: Your Blue Diamond Almonds are BOLD. They have no fear. They're just...out in the world.

Colleague A: My earlobes are stretched because I used to be a hood rat. Well. I'm still a hood rat.

10-year-old boy, commenting on a colleague's drawing: A warehouse? What kind of warehouse?
Me: ...your mom.

13-year-old girl, looking at the games on my phone: You like...Activia Crack?!

13-year-old girl: Why does she want you to wear a dress?
Me: Because she thinks I should be girlier.
Girl: That's better though! It's good to keep expectations low.

15-year-old girl: He said he's an OG. An old gangsta.

Me, to a 7-year-old girl: Your mind is fascinating. I wanna spend some time in there.
7-year-old girl: You are in my mind. In a gown. At a ball.

Overheard at Work, vol. CXIII

Plenty has been written and posted and shared about what an insane winter Boston is having this year.

The club has closed three weeks in a row on Monday and sometimes on Tuesday. The MBTA has closed for at least one day every week for the last month. Currently, my blinds are open, my space heater is blasting, and the wind outside is so crazy, I fear for my windows.

The latest report is that we have had over 95 inches of snow this season.

It's the SNOWPOCALYPSE.

For reals.

13 year old girl, as I began to join her in song: This ain't no High School Musical, why are you joining in?

Me, to 13 year old girl: Why are you so mean to me?
Girl: Cuz I love you so much!

Colleague A: Seth is gonna be a staff here.
Me: Except he hates kids.
Colleague A: ...Perfect.

Colleague B, referring to our staff: We're dirty motherf*ckers.

Overheard at Work, vol. CXII

It's been almost a month back in the grind since the holidays, which is kind of insane.

BASICALLY, it is ALREADY 2016!

8-year-old boy, explaining a confrontation with another boy:  He kicked me in my B-E-L-L-C-S.
(Not sure how he got there from B-A-L-L-S.)

Me: What are you doing?
Teenage boy: Anything with a heartbeat. JK.

I ran a teen acting program hour and we did an exercise where we interviewed each other, in pairs, and then condensed the information we gathered down to a haiku. Here is mine:

He sleeps, once dreaming
Of fighting fires. One day,
He'll study oceans.

13 year old girl, riffing on my habit of naming my 30s birthdays: 31-derful, 32-sday, 33-some...

Me, getting up, in a fit of activity: On to the next thing, on to the next thing, on to the next thing, on to the next thing, on to the next thing...
Coworker A: ...Annie broke.

Overheard at Work, vol. CXI

What can I say?

Two weeks from today, and I'll be heading into 12 days off.

TWELVE.

Needless to say, the holiday crunch is upon us and the countdown is on.

Colleague A: I am the queen of the back comb. I should be from New Jersey.

Me: What if I bit you?
7 year old boy: Then I would go and get a shark to bite your whole body.

7 year old boy: You've got comfortable hair. I could sleep on it.

Teen, to Colleague B, calling through a window, to where she was sitting alone: You in a meeting? You in a meeting with God or something?

15 year old girl: Where's my sister? Where are you keeping her?

Overheard at Work, vol. CX

Welp.

It's almost Thanksgiving already.

So there's that.

Anybody know where 2014 went?

Nope?

OK then, me neither.

13-year-old boy: Uh oh! Annie's in the building. It's about to go down.

16-year-old boy: They're laughing cuz I got my eating face on.

10-year-old girl: I'm hairable.
13-year-old boy: Unbeweavable.

Colleague A: I'm so confused all the time!

7-year-old boy, squeezing my upper arms: You got the pow pow. The squishy squishy.

7-year-old boy: I got 25 girlfriends.
Me: Name them all.
Boy: I can't remember all their names.

14-year-old boy: Can I see that rubber cement?
Me: Why?
Boy: I heard it smells good.
Me: Then no.

Overheard at Work, vol. CIX

This was a pretty busy week, full of meetings and workshops and interviews and special guests and visits.

And now it's suddenly Friday, and I'm kind of disoriented by it.

I literally sat at a desk today and asked one of my kids, "Wait. It IS Friday, right?" It was super confusing.

Me, entering the art room: Hello, all my friends!
Teen girl: You're not my friend...you're my sister.

Colleague A, during a staff meeting, as we discussed Halloween plans: We got a pumpkin connect?

Colleague B, trying to name Taylor Swift's new song, "Out of the Woods": What's it called? "Elbows Out"?

Me: You look like a 12 year old with your hood on.
Colleague B: I know. All you see is cheeks.

Me: You have leaves in your hair.
9 year old boy: It's chips.

Me: Rebel Wilson is her real name. And her siblings are like Liberty and Rocket or something.
13 year old girl: I'm gonna name my son...CARL!

Me: Why are you guys in here?
9 year old boy: We're MEN!

Overheard at Work, vol. CVIII

Well.

All I can say is that I can't believe it is almost November.

13 year old girl, on getting her period: I was so excited but now I am ready for menopause.

16 year old boy, while I was discussing a young woman playing Tinkerbell in her school play: Can I be Peter Pan cuz I'm fly.

Me, while drawing a heart on my colleague's arm: Can you tell what I'm drawing?
Colleague: I hope it's not a dick.

13 year old girl, singing: Do what you want, what you want with my body...do what you want, what you want with my nostrils!

Me, to 7 year old boy: Can we be friends?
Boy: That depends.
Me: On what?
Boy: On a doughnut. And a pet dog.
Me: If I give you a doughnut and a pet dog, we'll be friends?
Boy: Very good friends!

Overheard at Work, vol. CVII

THIS WEEK SUCKED!!!!!!!!

I AM SO GLAD IT'S FINALLY OVER!

Colleague A, expressing his game plan for a random night out with a few of us: I'm not gonna go crazy if we get crazy.

Me, entering the tech lab: What's going on in here?!
7-year-old boy: PARTY!

13-year-old girl: You can get that swag money from being a doctor.

Teen boy: I'm 17, about to be 18. I'm gonna go to the strip club for the first time!

Me, to colleague B: I just want you to find a wonderful man.
Colleague B: Oh, Annie. Can I just get my Bachelor's degree?

13-year-old girl: I think trail mix is just a scavenger hunt for M&Ms.

And then, "Ooh, dark chocolate! Dark chocolate for a dark chocolate woman!"

Overheard at Work, vol. CVI

We just got through two of the most difficult weeks I've ever experienced at this job, after the tragic death of one of our co-workers,a young woman who had grown up at work and had devoted her life to service to her community.

We spent last week reeling, trying to pick up pieces, and wandering around waiting for something to happen.

This week, we have opened to kids and I can't say it's not jarring to have them back in the building after such an intense time as a staff.

Still, through it all, I work with some hilarious people, and we found time to laugh and be silly.

Coworker A, after lifting me clear off the ground: I'm strong when I want to be. I just can't do CPR!

Coworker B: Food fixes everything. Well, except fatness.

Coworker B: I like to live a cute life.

Coworker C, after refusing to put her sweater on, despite being cold: My sweater smells like grief.

Me: You look pretty today!

14-year-old girl: It's the second day of school. I'm still pretending I'm functioning.

Overheard at Work, vol. CV

Well, that was a doozy of a week back from vacation!

Tuesday, I caught up on emails, helped at the front desk, ran my club, and felt relatively back in the swing of things.

Wednesday, I had a meeting about hiring a work-study in our film program, led a field trip of forty kids under 10 to a rollerskating rink and took five teens to see Finding Neverland, the new musical at A.R.T.

Thursday, I covered the morning teen program, ran two clubs, and prepped for today.

Today, I helped run a trivia rotation during our End of Summer Extravaganza, covered the front desk, helped film the Music Showcase, and prepped our Awards Ceremony for the end of the day. I sat down for maybe 30 minutes all day.

Now, of course, I have a little cold and I'm going to bed early.

But Summer 2014 is over.

7-year-old boy, sobbing about not being able to buy a drink at the rollerskating rink: There's no hope for me!

Same boy, whining because he was bored: I'm not having any fun!
Me: Well, you should have brought money to play the arcade games.
Boy: I'm poor!

10-year-old boy, on the bus from the rollerskating field trip: He's bothering me! He said I need to get butt surgery!

Me, to a 14-year-old boy, whose nicknamed Junito: What's Junito mean?
Boy: I don't know!
Teen girl, after I looked it up, laughing: It means "a very short man with a very large penis!"
Boy: ...I'm short.