A Happy Play?

(this is a conversation they have had before.)

I: i got somethin’ to say.
U: --
(listen’n) huh.
I: you listen’n?
U: (nods)
I: cuz i don’t want you to…get how you get.
U: huh?
I: all…scared-y and shit. like i’m talkin’ ‘bout sendin’ you to jail or somethin’.
U: ha.
I: i’m bein’ serious.
you gotta listen to me. i been thinkin’ all day and night about how much i love ya. how much i think i might need ya. how much i wish we were always together. livin’ together and lovin’ whenever we wanted. i’m missin’ you when you’re not near me.
ya heard me?
U: huh.
I: good. and i know how you feel ‘bout me…
U: unh.
(smilin’)
I: good.
(smilin’)
--
c’mere.
(they kiss)
--
one day when we get married, i’m gonna be real angry that it took so long.
U: ha.
I: (sighs)

(this is a conversation they will have again.)

tv is a drug

(a bright spotlight on 1 speaker. loud commercial noise. 1 looks like he hasn’t slept in days but cannot close his eyes. he is paralyzed. rambling. desperate.)

1: i think i have a problem. sometimes i can’t eat. i can’t sleep. i obsess about it. it calls to me in the middle of the night. i wake up in a cold sweat, itching for it. i can’t focus. i need to concentrate on more important things.
there are so many more important things. i can’t remember what any of them are right now, but i know this isn’t life.
--
i’m addicted.
--
i’m asking for help here.
--
i need to get my life back on track.
are you even listening to me?!
--
i said i need help!
--
--
is anyone there? are you listening? i can’t get away from it.i can’t escape.i can’t think of anything else.my thoughts are scattered.
iforgetwhereiamsometimes. sometimesican’tremembermynameorwhereilive. ineverknowwhattimeitis. ican’trememberthelasttimeislept. isaidineedhelp. someonehelptellmewhatishouldbedoingpleasei’mbeggingyouturnitoffturnitoffturnitoff!
--
--
I DON’T KNOW WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO ANYMORE!
(silence. blackout.)

(lights return. a huge book is thrown at 1 from offstage and knocks him out cold. blackout.)

Wandering Plays

I had an inspired thought yesterday that these plays could have a running theme of movement or roaming. Just a thought, since people are either coming or going in all of them so far.

Here's a little fun one, inspired by workday boredom.

date marry screw

2 speakers are everywhere, always. Perhaps this play goes on in the background throughout the others.

1: Martha Stewart, Oprah Winfrey, Kathie Lee Gifford.
2: --
Marry Oprah (ACK!)
Fuck Martha (*hewerep*)
Date Kathie Lee
1: Totally!
2: Tom Hanks, Tom Cruise, Tom Jones
1: Marry Hanks.
Fuck Jones.
Date Cruise.
2: I’d marry Hanks, fuck Cruise, date Jones. Fucking Jones would be so…sleazy…
1: OK. Jackson 5 MJ, Thriller MJ, MJ today
2: Date Jackson 5—he was just a baby.
Marry Thriller.
(silence)
Wait. I have to pick between fucking a baby and fucking an alien?!??!!
1: HAHAHAHA. I totally stumped you.
--
Wait, you can justify fucking Martha Stewart but not Michael Jackson?
2: At least I know what’s down there.
--
OK. Vinyl, tape, CD.
1: Marry Vinyl…cuz nothing’s sexier than vinyl.
Date tape.
Fuck CD; although it might have a problem with premature ejaculation. Hopefully, we could work around that.
--
2: OK. OK. The cast of Growing Pains, the cast of Cosby Show, the cast of Full House…

(And on and on and on.)

You Can't Argue with That

1 male and 1 female speaker. They too are walking…wherever.

X: don’t look at me like that.
O: like what?
X: like you want to kiss me. i don’t feel like being kissed right now.
O: i wasn’t.
--
X: like that. that face right there. take that face off.
O: or what?
X: or i’ll scream.
O: but there’s no one here to hear you!
X: you’re here!
O: yes.
i am.
(his point is made and X is speechless.)

They exit.

The Law of Gravity

2 speakers. They are walking, wherever. One speaker stops.

-did you feel that?
-what?
-you didn’t feel that.
-feel what?
-it felt like…
like the earth stopped. do you ever feel that?
-…i don’t think so.
-it happens to me sometimes.
when I remember something or someone i haven’t thought about for a long time.
-huh.
what or who was it?
-huh?
-what or who did you remember?
-i don't know yet.
(silence. then. this speaker seems to cave in on herself a little…but at the same time, there is…joy. the pain is exquisite, a familiar ecstasy.)
whoa.
-what?
-i just figured it out.
(silence. her mind races to its inevitable conclusion.)
he snuck up on me again.
damn.

They exit.

drunk dissolution

A bar. 2 friends. One is polishing of what looks like her 3rd or 4th drink. A sudden lull in the conversation before lights up.

1: (taking a deep breath after she gulps her drink) --whoa. i haven’t drank this much in a long time.
2: drunk.
1: i’m not drunk.
2: no. you haven’t drunk this much in a long time.
1: yeah. (takes a deep breath and says on the exhale--) i know.
you know what i noticed? or heard, rather? or read?--i forget. whatever.
wait, what was i saying? oh yeah. you know what I realized? every good restaurant has grammar mistakes on their menus.
2: its
1: it’s what?
2: every good restaurant has grammar mistakes on its menu. the subject of that sentence is "every restaurant," which is singular.
1: what did i say?
2: you said.—nevermind.
1: are you mad at me?
2: what?
1: are you mad at me?
2: (laughing) what are you even talking about? here. have some water.
1: stop yelling at me.
(silence. uncomfortable shifts in respective seats. silence.)
2: (just making conversation) i wish it would stop raining.
(silence)
1: it’s always raining somewhere.
(1 suddenly downs the rest of her drink and rises to leave.
2 is left to contemplate the sudden truth she is faced with.)