Overheard at Work, vol. XI

[At the staff meeting, as we discuss the staff fitness challenge and our personal goals.]
Colleague A: My personal goal is to lose 2 pounds.
Colleague B: I lose 5 pounds when I go to the bathroom!

Colleague 1: You told me I had the best computer here!
Colleague 2: You DID, until you downloaded all that porn!
1: That is MY personal business!

"You guys need to go to Dr. Phil!"--a teen's assessment of his friends' bickering relationship.

"Soccer and women."--a 12-year-old's assertion of what his priorities will be this year.

"I smiled so hard, I couldn't see my page."--a student in the leadership program, after she finished delivering her persuasive speech. I want some of whatever she's having.