i have a question...

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Overheard at Work, vol. XXXIII

This was a rough week at work, which somehow translated into me not collecting very many quotes.

Sometimes my job is putting out fires and NOT keeping aware of the hilarity around me.

Me, re. some garlic fries: Wow! These are stinky!
Colleague: Yeah, I'm planning on losing some friends today.
Me: Who are you gonna lose? That weird kid? (names have been redacted)
Colleague: That would be awesome, but he's got the curry. It would be an aroma battle!

"There was a cute boy up there!": an 11-year-old's reasoning for running upstairs when she shouldn't have been.
(I couldn't really argue with her.)

"Those pineapple are looking at me. They want me to eat them.": a teenage boy. (I know that look.)

Me to one of my favorite kids, after I tapped him on his arm in affection and he asked why: It's out of love. I'd punch you in the face if I could!

Friday, January 20, 2012

Overheard at Work, vol. XXXII

I am going to have to start looking up Roman numerals soon.

Short week felt long. I am ready for bed.

"[gasp] You have a Jewish buddy!"--9-year-old to her friend after realizing a volunteer college student was also Jewish.

I covered girls' homework this week while my colleague was on vacation, and during homework on Wednesday, I realized that one tween was reading a magazine called "Teen Voices." Eventually, she called out, "What does it mean if he says 'she was so hot for me'?"

Later, she and her friends were poring over the magazine and stuck their heads out to ask, "What is heterosexual?"

14-year-old girl, as she attempted to braid my hair: "Your hair is so...white girl that it's not staying!"

Sunday, January 15, 2012

The Season is Upon Us...

Awards season, that is, of course!

Are you guys as excited as I am that it's this time again?

I am cozied up with my computer and my space heater as it is currently 13 degrees outside here in Boston, and my living room does not heat up sufficiently. I’m full of Chinese food and mulled wine and excited about this evening’s Golden Globes!

Best Dressed:
Reese Witherspoon (it looked amazing on stage)
I was also intrigued by Helen Mirren, Viola Davis, Claire Danes, Ariel Winter, and Angelina Jolie.

Worst Dressed:
Lea Michele
There were way more times that I said “ugh” to the dresses than “ooh.” I’m looking at you Glenn Close, Missi Pyle, and Sarah Michelle Gellar.

Best Sport:
Jodie Foster’s reaction to the Gervais’s beaver joke.

Worst Transition:
Ricky Gervais’s bit into Johnny Depp’s introduction of Hugo

Biggest Upset(s):
Meryl Streep beating Viola Davis (though I should have predicted it), followed by Kelsey Grammer beating Bryan Cranston

Most Annoying Presenter:
Paula Patton

Most Charming Accent(s):
Ludevic Bource, the French award-winning composer of The Artist score and Sofia Vergara (I like her better in her native language than in English)

Best Blink-and-You-Missed It Moment(s):
Dominic West congratulating his previous and dashing The Wire co-star Idris Elba for his win for Luther, followed by WHY DIDN’T DAVID FINCHER GIVE MERYL STREEP HER GLASSES?

My Vote for Next Year’s Host:
Seth Rogen, who got the biggest laugh of the night mentioning his erection for Kate Beckinsale (even she laughed!)

Most Charming Presenter(s):
Antonio Banderas and Salma Hayek, Felicity Huffman and William H. Macy(!), and George Clooney

Most Satisfying Win (IMHO):
Jessica Lange for her ridiculous and amazing, scenery-chewing turn on American Horror Story, though I’m glad Claire Danes and Modern Family won too.

Most Poised:
Claire Danes, as always

Foxiest Silver Fox:
Matt LeBlanc (he was totally dyeing his hair during Friends, right?)

Foxiest Non-Silver Fox:
Jean Dujardin (HE IS SO DREAMY!)

Best Host Bit:
Introducing Colin Firth: “He’s very racist…I’ve seen him punch a little, blind kitten.”

Best Speech:
Meryl Streep, unparalleled. (Honoring great female performances of the year, asking for her glasses, thanking her agent and God, Harvey Weinstein. She is the best.)

Most Accurate Inappropriate Joke:
George Clooney on Michael Fassbender’s…golf club…(Come to think of it, this was a very penis-centric telecast.)

Moments that Made Me Cry:
Kate Winslet’s speech (also, she is SO BEAUTIFUL. Jesus.), Michelle Williams’ speech, Octavia Spencer’s win, and Morgan Freeman

It will be interesting to see how this is all reflected in the Oscars.

All in all, a fine way to pass an evening. And I didn’t even freeze!

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Overheard at Work, vol. XXXI

Kid: Hey, Stephanie, did you do the homework?
Me: Yo, Steph, did you get that homework done, yo?...What if you really talked like that?
Kid: I'd be embarrassed.

Colleague: Hi, what are you up to today?
Kid: You know, bein a boy.

Kid: 2 things I want to tell you. 1) You need to redye your hair.
(Obviously, I didn't care what the second thing was.)

Kid (trying to get her friends' attention): OK, listen up, my little poopcracks!

Teenaged boy: Yo, my sister has an eazy-bake oven. I need to make mad stuff with it...I need an apron, though.

Colleague: What are you doing now?
Me: I'm sort of just supposed to be around the building, but it's pretty quiet out there.
Colleague: How do you know what's happening on the 2nd or 3rd floor?
Me: I was just up there!
Colleague: I hear fights!

Kid: My hoodie is my best friend.
(She also said science class was her best friend. She needs more friends, methinks.)

Kid: A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are trying to get on a flight but they aren't allowed on. So they sneak into sacks, without the pilot knowing. When the baggage people come to check out what's in the sacks, they kick each one. When the brunette is kicked, she says, "meow!" When the redhead is kicked, she says "Ruff! Ruff!" When the blonde's sack is kicked, she says "Potatoes!"
(I liked it.)

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

To My Blog, on Its Fifth Birthday

Dear [clever title],

What a long, strange journey this has been.

You know, five years is a long time.

It’s longer than I’ve lived anywhere, except my childhood home.

It’s longer than I’ve had most of the clothes in my closet.

But not all of them.

It’s longer than any relationship I’ve had.

BY. YEARS. (But you knew that.)

Let’s take a moment to compare my world today with the world in which I was living when I started you.

January 2007:
I was 23.
I lived in Park Slope (again) in a small two-bedroom apartment with my friend, S.
I was working as an office assistant at a laboratory developing microbicides.
I was single.
I had lots of debt from using my credit card because I didn’t make any money and I lived in an expensive city.
I was listening to Justin Timberlake, Kelly Clarkson, Green Day, Gnarls Barkley, and Fall Out Boy, among others.
I was watching The Hills, American Idol and American Idol Rewind, Scrubs, Sex and the City, Extreme Makeover, Family Guy, Supernanny, Beauty and the Geek, and Miami Ink, among others.
I spent evenings either hiding from the city or spending too much money at bars and trying to meet men and being consistently sorely disappointed by them.

January 2012:
I am 28.
I live in Boston in a large three-bedroom apartment with two lovely ladies and down the street from my cousin and her daughter.
I am working with kids every day at a fantastic organization.
I am single.
I have lots of debt from paying for a Master’s degree myself.
I am listening to Adele, Florence + the Machine, Kelly Clarkson, Cee-Lo, Pink, Lady GaGa, and Beyonce, among others.
I am watching How I Met Your Mother, Glee, Modern Family, 30 Rock, Community, Dexter, Mad Men, and So You Think You Can Dance, among others.
I spend most of my evenings lying in my bed, watching NetFlix.

Upon reflection, it doesn’t seem like my life has changed all that much. Or maybe that my WORLD hasn’t changed that much.

But you know better than anyone that if we read you from the beginning and then fast-forwarded to more recent posts, the drastic change is evident.

I’m pretty much an entirely different person from who I was when I started you.

And it’s the years between 2007 and 2012 that changed everything.

And, I suppose, you have changed as I’ve changed, from a place to vent and process things to a place where I wrote down observations about the world around me that didn’t seem to include me to an outlet for all my insecurities and frustrations around moving and figuring out what the hell to do with my life to a catalog of all the work I’ve done in the field I discovered to a place to write about all the important pop culture events that I have paid attention to and finally to a silly retelling of how the job I’m doing now is affecting and changing me, daily and swiftly.

Who knows what my world will be like in the next five years?

(Got any predictions?)

Happy 5th birthday, dear [clever title]!

Thanks for being exactly what I’ve needed for five years.

You’ve kept me sane, you’ve made me more confident, you’ve introduced me to new people, you’ve reconnected me with people I knew in a past life, you’ve been a kind, gentle place to cry and a fun, always willing place to have a laugh.

You are and have always been wholly accepting of who I am and who I’ve become.

I wish you many more years of full, creative life, and here’s to the commemorative post I’ll write in 2017, when we’re 10!

Love your faithful friend,


Saturday, January 7, 2012

Overheard at Work, vol. XXX

Not sure why I don't have very many quotes from this week. It was kind of a strange few days, with two days that we were open all day long and then a short day yesterday because of our staff holiday party...

"Fringe is back? The world is ending."--my co-worker on inspecting a teen's new purse, featuring leather fringe. I agree wholeheartedly.

Kid: Hi, Annie. Ugh, what happened to your chin?
Me: That's a pimple. What can I say?
Kid: That is a weird pimple. Looks like a zit.
Me: Thanks.

"Baby food is wicked good."--my co-worker who had included a baby food packet in his lunch. We agreed about this fact, as well.